Hooks and Ladders

Last night Jennifer had New Beginnings. --- I learned a lot about myself just in being there. I learned that I don't like to "let go."  Hooked to what was... I still blog and wonder if the girls/ women I love and served know that I still care about them and pray for them.  I realized I don't like letting go of them, of my Tigard Ward Family, of my old neighborhood. I've fought it. Hard.  I think that is why I get unhappy at times. Not all moves are easy ones even if the views are grand and the home is a dream. Home is where the heart is. In truth, locality wise, my heart, though I try, hasn't been here. It's been with Bishop Garner who helped my family through tough stuff. It's been in my old kitchen where teen boys constantly raided my refrigerator between invading countries in RISK or Monopoly and where girls taped three sets of twister games together and played in the family room or slept in tents in the backyard. It's with Erika who was just the truest of friends my confidant and trustee. It's with Laura Busby, who I dearly loved and visited as my children's and my own adopted grandmother. It's in the street where I gathered the neighborhood children and my own to play kickball, and playing decor with my neighbor lady friends, twisting my furniture this way and that, shopping and learning from them while we just enjoyed being girls together.  It's with a friend who shared her morning and blessings with me in our "Temple Tuesdays." It's with the primary children where I donned a red apron that reads "Sister Friendly" to share a literacy lesson. It's with my Young Adults boating, running through Uyajamajia scavanger hunts and corn mazes, and of course it's with my beautiful, elegant, and precious young women--where most are graduated or getting close to graduating. Merrying, Marrying, Mothering... They are amazing and they still hold my heart.
It's been so, so, so hard to let go. Especially up here where teen voices are hushed, there are no more friend or fun girl drop bys. The temple isn't a simple 7 minutes away. My neighbors don't congregate, visit, talk with each other. I'm the only one that sees my Christmas Lights. I'm used to a happy koolaid mom kinda house, lots of laughter and fun. Not silence. Whoever said silence is golden? Truly missed out. Remember the cherry on the hill from the last blog? It has not been as easy to get down and congregate as thought.

Men are that they might have joy. But Im starting to see that I've not let myself have that joy that Heavenly Father so badly wants me to have at this awkward lost stage of life. Even if I remained where I was...  Mommy days are done. Those kids are grown, even my Jenn is grown.  The Garners have long been in Alaska, Laura's passed on, the Becks--whose son Jeff did EVERYTHING scouts, eagle, mission, marriage, with our Dan, just moved. It's so strange how quickly life shifts and things change. I learned I hide these feelings behind seminary, school, writing--just trying to find my place here. It's a confusing place. Neighbors just don't talk to each other on the hill. And I really miss having a couple to play with like our Utah Niedfeldts or now Michigan's Jean and Bryce.  As people get older and no longer have little ones, do they really just stop playing?  You invite people over and they just don't reciprocate. I'm not used to wondering why I can't connect or feel a part when it was so easy before and we were a very large part of the ward (family), neighbor, and town communities. I think I'm learning the key really is in having young children.  Adults connect and play because their kids do.   I don't believe adults really think about connecting and playing just with adults as couples.

So that's been my hook. Let's talk about Ladders.

Last night at New Beginnings we got to listen to a Life Coach give us the 10 things she wished she'd listened to in Young Women, and to my great surprise, Michelle Young, gave me a gift in a ladder. She made me think and helped me to see my own problem in this hook---that really isn't realistic since it doesn't even exist anymore.

Here are the ten things.

1. No matter what I've done/not done so far it's okay. (That's involving life in general. Everyday is a New Beginning.)
2. Even if I follow the recipe (prayer, scripture study, FHE,--you know the Sunday School answer) My recipe isn't going to turn out like everyone else's recipe. Bad stuff still happens--but enduring the bumps along the way is better because of the recipe.
3. Eventhough leaders and others look perfect-they're not. Everyone struggles, everyone's flawed. Everyone's faking it. (hence, this blog.)
4. I can do anything I want to accomplish. (YES!)
5. I need to believe in myself, have faith in my Heavenly Father, and have faith in me. Personal Progress gives us the chance to explore who we are and who we want to be. (it brought me to my writing.)
6. It is important to fail. No one who has ever accomplished anything, has never failed. (That just took me back to Jerry Spinelli saying that "Failure is the stepping stone to success. We learn to fail and fail better." We just get to that awkward stage---and push through. (I liked that since awkward for me is now.)
7. Morality, Word of Wisdom, Repentance. The Atonement is such a gift. Christ does the rest when we measure short. (Hello? Midget here!)
8. The best scripture is Men are that they might have joy. I need to find joy in my path in the "real," "simple" things. I need to be who I am and enjoy who I am. (and not be so much of a perfectionist or afraid of what I hear again and again in others worrying they are not liked. (That's very new to me.  We need to not care about that and accept that's someone else's problem, not ours. People have issues and remember people, it's the small people that gossip. Gossip Hurts.)
9.Gratitude is the opportunity to have all we want right now. I need to be grateful for all I have right now. When we focus on the good things, more good will come. (I love that one. Gratitude is one of my favorite words, and in being ungratefully hooked, I lost sight of that.)
10. Charity is just about being kind. When I don't feel good inside being kind makes me feel better.
11. (She gave us a bonus.)
11. Embrace the small and simple things---I love how she worded this. "When (I) pray to my Heavenly Father I am with my Heavenly Father in that moment." (Isn't that a lovely thought?)

She presented these in 3rd person, I rewrite the messages in first because I felt them go right through me and pierce.

Now is the time for joy! That joy is for each of us!

So... to heck with hooks! I'm choosing this ladder to be happy in living where I am living and in proceeding where I am proceeding and am going to push through the awkward of the silent house, silent neighborhood, and silent playdates. This is the roller coaster whirl we call life. There's hills and there are valleys. During one of my deepest valleys, a friend gave me a coin that read, "Attitude is Everything."
I believe that.
Do you?

What hooks do you have, that keep you from progressing and finding that joy? Look to the ladder truths to climb from the rut.

I did complete my last goal--but the rut has shut out my personal progress for too long, so back at it...

Divine Nature #3

"Make your home life better. For two weeks make a special effort to strengthen your relationship with a family member by showing love through your actions. Refrain from judging, criticizing, or speaking unkindly, and watch for positive qualities in that family member....."

Make Every Day a New Beginning and shine on!
Love,
Sister Ries