On Stage Now...

This last post I posted I wrote a month and a half ago, I've adjusted quite well to the change of empty nests, and it surprised me. (The one with J leaving--not this post)

I just had the most unique dream and I feel like I should share it. Yes, it was that good.  I was so excited I tried to post it using my cell phone first thing, but it didn't do it justice as buttons were small and, in texting, the phone kept posting before I was ready or had the chance to edit.

In this stage of my life, I get to talk with all walks of women. I meet them everywhere. In my neighborhood, my writing life, in this world wide church...

Something that stands out strong to me, is that families are weakening. Maybe not yours or mine, but many. That's saddening. There are also many, many women who deal with the aftermath of missing fathers--either physically as with theirs leaving or divorce, or those just emotionally "checked out."

In many, many homes we are not lucky enough to have the Lehi best-case father scenario. That's just how it is. I believe many parents try to do their best with what they have and what they know. But there are the selfish. And that is by individual choice, and no one but that said individual can control their agency.

For those who are hurting, there is hope. That hope is within you.
Teach your children.

Last night, I dreamed I was part of a play. I stood on stage with my husband. We circled the stage, and when I came to the back part of the stage, this time circled with an infant. Then my husband took the infant in his arms and circled alone. Music began and a strobe light flashed as each time he circled he would do various activities with the girl, and other fathers and play daughters looking just a little older lined up to circle the stage. They flew a kite, roller-skated, rode bikes, fished, took photos, danced--did so many, many things as the strobe light made it appear the same father daughter with the daughter growing up. Then an older young woman danced with her dad across the front of the stage, and a young man appeared and she danced into his arms and they danced together going off stage and my husband walked alone with me and again we held hands, a little older, wiser, until we went through the back curtain. I woke then.
And I could on my own then envision the girl and her husband, their turn on stage with child.

Odd dream isn't it?
My growing years weren't perfect, just as many of my friends. But I look at my Katie and Dan and I marvel. We choose what we teach our children. We choose the values we display for them. And they, they can have the promised blessings of a healthy and whole family life.

Marriage is not perfect. The happily ever after of the fairytale is a dream. There are days when Cinderella feels overwhelmed and it shows in her unkempt hair after a long day of two in royal diedies.
Beauty has those days where she gets flustered with Beast's temper when he's stressed with work. Those wide fingers and sharp nails make keyboarding hard! And have you seen Snow Whites yard? The dwarves have their mining gear flung everywhere and Prince Charming won't help because he's too busy on the hunt, I won't even try to describe her kitchen after the lunch bunch.
Marriage is work. It is. It's work.  But if two people love each other, they can give and take to strengthen a marriage.
Marriage is sacrifice, without self-sacrifice. Marriage is also loving yourself so that you are fully able to love another. Marriage is trying to be the person your companion deserves, on both sides through the years. (That includes caring for yourself in health and appearance.)  Marriage is constantly inventing ways to keep the experiences of marriage new and exciting. Marriage is a learning and growing adventure where two people gain to become their best, celestial selves, in the end.

Don't let past baggage interrupt your marriage. If you have the past disrupting your lives due from serious past issues... get help. Don't hang up your marriage. With help a marriage can be as it once was.

If your spouse is not being the husband/ father he was and something has changed... communicate. Don't hang up your marriage. Talk it out and make some resolutions, it may not be just him that is falling short. You cannot know what one another is thinking if you don't talk, or write, if you're better communicating that way, but communicate.

Many things pile up, but they can be lived with. Unless someone is in danger or in an endless situation of torment and have already tried marital counseling, and there is no recovery... Don't hang up your marriage.

Looking at that stage, that girl growing up is each of us, the loving, ever present, ever guarding father--is our Father in Heaven. My lady friends everywhere, we are never alone.

In this day where Satan is working so hard on our families, recognize Our Father in Heaven's hand. He wants us to succeed. He wants us to succeed in our families and he wants us to teach our children to succeed in theirs.

There are simple things we can do to invite the spirit into our homes, to ease contention, and instill an atmosphere of solitude.
Do we have our personal prayer, in the morning and night?
Do we have personal and family scripture study?
Do we have family prayer with our families.

A bishop friend once told me he asks these questions in marital problem sessions.
Always two of the three are missing.

In strengthening our families, we can always turn to the perfect father who knows how to be a parent, and how to bring love and respect into our hearts and homes. After all, our children are, in reality, His.

Love your families. Be kind to your husbands and children. If they are not kind to you, call them on it, and ask your husbands and children to be kind to you. If it is past a bearable point, seek help first. Don't hang up your marriage. 

Happiness in the home is one of God's richest blessings here on earth.
I am grateful for my David and our own little family. I am grateful for the beautiful families my children now have. Katie's Ross is a wonderful man, and Dan's Emily is a wonderful woman. I pray this kind of joy will extend generations as our family grows and we continue to teach our children. My family's happiness is a wonderful gift in my life.

Something New

My stomach is twisting and turning this morning. That usually means I've gone too long without eating, or that something is up. In todays case, I know it's the latter. For the past three mornings, I've waken to the realization that after August third, I'll wake and Jennifer won't be here. ...so I'm now turning the situation on it's head to cope with that, finding myself telling myself, "in less than one year Jennifer will be coming home." I'm thinking about all the exchange student homecomings happening now.  J and I ran into an exchange Mom  at Subway just last week and she was so elated with just 36 hours and counting before her daughter, gone to Thailand, returned.  Jennifer and I are not just mother and daughter. She let me also become her friend at an early age and we are so close.

At first the exchange was exciting. We love exchange students, hosting and getting to know students from other countries and cultures. Although we went through the beginning outbound process, our elder daughter was chosen second to a girl who had experience with exchange students. We had none at the time. Jennifer has wanted to go on long term exchange since she was tiny, with a growing interest in the world's languages, and now for a year she'll be a student in Finland.

Up until now,  I've felt nothing but extreme excitement and an overwhelming joy for her. But the Momma heartstrings are getting tugged at these last days, and I'm finding since girl's camp that I'm selfishly grasping at every small moment I can find to be near her. She's at the Old fashioned festival right now gearing up to flip pancakes for Rotary's pancake breakfast. I just look at this girl and I marvel.

She's about to have so many amazing adventures, living in a place that can reach 30 below zero, among northern lights and frozen ocean, and, at the same time a midnight summer sun. Finland is a magical place filled with uniqueness.  School for her begins in two short weeks. New halls, new faces, new language, new family, new friends, new culture, new life.

At the same time, it's an amazing thing to be where exchange students gather. There's an automatic bond all around, and the pettiness/ cliquish social habits/ judging that you might see in a high school setting, among students, is not present. They're all instant friends on the same ground, in the same situation. I see Jennifer welcomed, respected, well liked, inclusion, and having been around youth in many scenarios, I think--why can't high school be like that? I see her learning, growing, stretching outside her comfort zone, and beyond happy. I see she belongs, and that she knows she belongs, and it's crazy. For Jennifer, it's perfect.

For me, it's going to also be new. I wasn't quite expecting to have the last of my children leave the nest two years early. What's it going to be like to suddenly have no children at home? To not have schedules that stretch my sane ability? What's it going to be like to shop for just two? Cook for just two, and sometimes one? So many questions and I just don't know. Especially now I'm glad to have my son and daughter in law at least near. And I'm glad my husband is working from home more. This change is going to feel strange. Even as good and as exciting as this situation is. I'm about to grow in a new kind of way, and I think I'm about to learn more about myself as well as I see how well I adapt, as Jennifer learns to adapt in her new surroundings. For her it's an experience north, and for me a North Experiment.

I am excited to see her journey through her. What an amazing opportunity! That keeps me smiling.  :)