Hooks and Ladders

Last night Jennifer had New Beginnings. --- I learned a lot about myself just in being there. I learned that I don't like to "let go."  Hooked to what was... I still blog and wonder if the girls/ women I love and served know that I still care about them and pray for them.  I realized I don't like letting go of them, of my Tigard Ward Family, of my old neighborhood. I've fought it. Hard.  I think that is why I get unhappy at times. Not all moves are easy ones even if the views are grand and the home is a dream. Home is where the heart is. In truth, locality wise, my heart, though I try, hasn't been here. It's been with Bishop Garner who helped my family through tough stuff. It's been in my old kitchen where teen boys constantly raided my refrigerator between invading countries in RISK or Monopoly and where girls taped three sets of twister games together and played in the family room or slept in tents in the backyard. It's with Erika who was just the truest of friends my confidant and trustee. It's with Laura Busby, who I dearly loved and visited as my children's and my own adopted grandmother. It's in the street where I gathered the neighborhood children and my own to play kickball, and playing decor with my neighbor lady friends, twisting my furniture this way and that, shopping and learning from them while we just enjoyed being girls together.  It's with a friend who shared her morning and blessings with me in our "Temple Tuesdays." It's with the primary children where I donned a red apron that reads "Sister Friendly" to share a literacy lesson. It's with my Young Adults boating, running through Uyajamajia scavanger hunts and corn mazes, and of course it's with my beautiful, elegant, and precious young women--where most are graduated or getting close to graduating. Merrying, Marrying, Mothering... They are amazing and they still hold my heart.
It's been so, so, so hard to let go. Especially up here where teen voices are hushed, there are no more friend or fun girl drop bys. The temple isn't a simple 7 minutes away. My neighbors don't congregate, visit, talk with each other. I'm the only one that sees my Christmas Lights. I'm used to a happy koolaid mom kinda house, lots of laughter and fun. Not silence. Whoever said silence is golden? Truly missed out. Remember the cherry on the hill from the last blog? It has not been as easy to get down and congregate as thought.

Men are that they might have joy. But Im starting to see that I've not let myself have that joy that Heavenly Father so badly wants me to have at this awkward lost stage of life. Even if I remained where I was...  Mommy days are done. Those kids are grown, even my Jenn is grown.  The Garners have long been in Alaska, Laura's passed on, the Becks--whose son Jeff did EVERYTHING scouts, eagle, mission, marriage, with our Dan, just moved. It's so strange how quickly life shifts and things change. I learned I hide these feelings behind seminary, school, writing--just trying to find my place here. It's a confusing place. Neighbors just don't talk to each other on the hill. And I really miss having a couple to play with like our Utah Niedfeldts or now Michigan's Jean and Bryce.  As people get older and no longer have little ones, do they really just stop playing?  You invite people over and they just don't reciprocate. I'm not used to wondering why I can't connect or feel a part when it was so easy before and we were a very large part of the ward (family), neighbor, and town communities. I think I'm learning the key really is in having young children.  Adults connect and play because their kids do.   I don't believe adults really think about connecting and playing just with adults as couples.

So that's been my hook. Let's talk about Ladders.

Last night at New Beginnings we got to listen to a Life Coach give us the 10 things she wished she'd listened to in Young Women, and to my great surprise, Michelle Young, gave me a gift in a ladder. She made me think and helped me to see my own problem in this hook---that really isn't realistic since it doesn't even exist anymore.

Here are the ten things.

1. No matter what I've done/not done so far it's okay. (That's involving life in general. Everyday is a New Beginning.)
2. Even if I follow the recipe (prayer, scripture study, FHE,--you know the Sunday School answer) My recipe isn't going to turn out like everyone else's recipe. Bad stuff still happens--but enduring the bumps along the way is better because of the recipe.
3. Eventhough leaders and others look perfect-they're not. Everyone struggles, everyone's flawed. Everyone's faking it. (hence, this blog.)
4. I can do anything I want to accomplish. (YES!)
5. I need to believe in myself, have faith in my Heavenly Father, and have faith in me. Personal Progress gives us the chance to explore who we are and who we want to be. (it brought me to my writing.)
6. It is important to fail. No one who has ever accomplished anything, has never failed. (That just took me back to Jerry Spinelli saying that "Failure is the stepping stone to success. We learn to fail and fail better." We just get to that awkward stage---and push through. (I liked that since awkward for me is now.)
7. Morality, Word of Wisdom, Repentance. The Atonement is such a gift. Christ does the rest when we measure short. (Hello? Midget here!)
8. The best scripture is Men are that they might have joy. I need to find joy in my path in the "real," "simple" things. I need to be who I am and enjoy who I am. (and not be so much of a perfectionist or afraid of what I hear again and again in others worrying they are not liked. (That's very new to me.  We need to not care about that and accept that's someone else's problem, not ours. People have issues and remember people, it's the small people that gossip. Gossip Hurts.)
9.Gratitude is the opportunity to have all we want right now. I need to be grateful for all I have right now. When we focus on the good things, more good will come. (I love that one. Gratitude is one of my favorite words, and in being ungratefully hooked, I lost sight of that.)
10. Charity is just about being kind. When I don't feel good inside being kind makes me feel better.
11. (She gave us a bonus.)
11. Embrace the small and simple things---I love how she worded this. "When (I) pray to my Heavenly Father I am with my Heavenly Father in that moment." (Isn't that a lovely thought?)

She presented these in 3rd person, I rewrite the messages in first because I felt them go right through me and pierce.

Now is the time for joy! That joy is for each of us!

So... to heck with hooks! I'm choosing this ladder to be happy in living where I am living and in proceeding where I am proceeding and am going to push through the awkward of the silent house, silent neighborhood, and silent playdates. This is the roller coaster whirl we call life. There's hills and there are valleys. During one of my deepest valleys, a friend gave me a coin that read, "Attitude is Everything."
I believe that.
Do you?

What hooks do you have, that keep you from progressing and finding that joy? Look to the ladder truths to climb from the rut.

I did complete my last goal--but the rut has shut out my personal progress for too long, so back at it...

Divine Nature #3

"Make your home life better. For two weeks make a special effort to strengthen your relationship with a family member by showing love through your actions. Refrain from judging, criticizing, or speaking unkindly, and watch for positive qualities in that family member....."

Make Every Day a New Beginning and shine on!
Love,
Sister Ries

Moving is like a Banana Split

Tabiatha was one of my many Young Women, and she had a glorious way with analogy. I think of her as I write this particular Personal Progress post.

Marachino cherries are found happily crammed together in a bottle. They're different in size maybe but pretty much they look, smell, and taste the same. So many marachino cherries grouped together gives a happy feeling, yes?

Well, now let's split a banana. Then, lets take a scoop of vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry ice cream. And lets then pour on some hot fudge, strawberry, and carmel toppings. Now we'll pile that a foot high with real freshly whipped cream. Are you picturing the gooey sweetness? We're going to sprinkle the top with a few nuts. Now, let's take one cherry away from its friends and put it on top of the mountain. Where's the fun? Where's the most flavor? Right. At the bottom with the congregating banana, sauces, and ice cream. Sometimes it's not easy being stuck up here with the nuts!

That's what it's like to move, and that means you have to make and keep making moves of your own. Changes, like moving, are a part of life. Those times when we go from comfort to discomfort will happen again and again in various forms.

Choice and accountability #2 is about making a move in weak spots. So the three focuses I've chosen to strengthen from "For the Strength of Youth" are: Service, Physical and Emotional Health, and Friends.

I've chosen service because service to others gives me a greater opportunity to know other people and to serve is to lift another.

I've chosen physical and emotional health because I struggle with routine and habitual work outs and I want to take good care of myself.

I've chosen friends because I put myself last too much and need to physically play with friends more. I see their names on Facebook more than I see them and that's sad.

I know sometimes we can feel like we have no friends. It may surprise you to know teenagers and adults go through those same phases of feeling alone at times. We move, or join a new community, school, or interest group and our social circle changes. Sometimes, that's hard.

So what do we do about that? Think about these questions. Do I stop to talk to my neighbor or peer or do I lower our eyes and simply pass by? Do I try to deepen relationships with acquaintances that might turn into friendships? Do I reciprocate invitations, when someone has invited me to their home or do I just let it lie? Do I sit idle and wait for another to make the first move? Do I give into my discomfort to just stay inside the zone? Do I accept opportunities to serve another? Do I get involved in my school, ward, community, interest group to broaden my social circle?

Who really makes friendships happen? We do. Old friends don't have to leave us wanting. In reality, we don't put a cherry back in the jar because it seems too alone. No, we bring it down to mix with all the flavors, and it is so yummy! Friendship begins with ourselves. Make a move.

Lessons and Legacy

Last summer I opened a fortune cookie that read, "You will acquire the highest level of intelligence." Really? I was so excited I blogged about the coincident quote. That was just after I applied to go to George Fox University. In time I was accepted, but with a school like Fox tuition was too pricey for my pocket. I opted for PCC instead, and was accepted straight away.

My intension was to attend full time, then transfer to Fox and come away with an English degree with a Writing major. I then planned to continue and earn an MFA in writing with a goal to become an editor, but my father in law wisely counseled me to take it slow and start with one class. I did so and learned one class right now was all I could handle. Then, in the midst of taking a second class, something interesting happened. Through the course of regular, ongoing intense study my energies went way down, I became constantly tired, and my writing went completely away. What? I was shocked as this once prolific children's writer could suddenly not pen one word--even in works in progress. The flow became null.

I could not get in-tune with that sweet place in serenity. Inspiration does not come without invitation, and with constant research writing and deadline worry, the invitation just was not there.

Constant and reliable, seminary became my grounding for balance. Every morning I'd rise at 4:30 and at 6:40 smiling but sleepy students sat at tables with eyes on mine waiting for enlightenment. And I learned that the higher intelligence I thought was a university experience, was of a different university, where the Lord was the teacher. That truth hit me hard as I stood before these bright stars, whose light always makes my day.

Sometimes what we plan for ourselves, isn't the Lord's plan, and we need to be careful to stay in tune and keep to that plan for balance and blessings. I now understand what was meant when my Father in Law told me, "It's not about the degree, it's about the growth of the person. For you, an education is about enlightenment."

How I love studying the Scriptures and opening up discussion with my students. I love listening to their ideas and wisdom. They teach me as much as I share with them. Seminary is my favorite part of the day, so much so that, while Jenn celebrates, I get bummed with every snow day. Today we started Job, and my kids were saying, "They should toss that story out, that's an awful story!" I can't wait to change their minds as we study further---we've just begun and Job is carrying a whole lot of weight right now, but bearing it in perfect faith. There's much to be learned from Job.

My last Personal Progress goal of daily prayer and scripture study has furthered my seminary experience in teaching, so much! It's also opened my eyes as to the importance of education, and "prioritized" learning. My desire for a degree is past. I just want to follow God's plan for me, and in simplifying---as you can see from this blog, serenity is returning as is the writing. I want to write for it is beyond sweet to me.

In Newberg, Seminary is changing, and though there are sad feelings of not having daily seminary, and of the unknown where only two teachers will be kept, I know that wherever I am asked to serve will be right, and that my personal in depth study of the gospel will continue as will my love of these dedicated teens who shake themselves out of bed every morning. They are amazing and a part of my heart.

I am happy for Released Time seminary coming to Newberg as it will open greater opportunities that might not be seen right now. Kids will be more alert and enjoy deeper study of the scriptures, and those who struggle with waking early will be blessed by being able to attend when they have the energy and capacity to really take in what is taught. Change is hard, but it is almost always good. So... as I wait to see what the Lord has planned next for me, I am continuing in what I have control over--my own personal progress.

So here we go! My next PP goal so my youth friends can know I am still working beside them as promised---Now is a perfect time for me to take on CHOICE AND ACCOUNTABILITY #2

*Read the pamphlet For the Strength of Youth. List each righteous behavior and why it is important to choose to live those standards. Practice living those standards and choose three to improve upon.

Have you seen the beautiful new For the Strength of Youth Booklet? It's been written just for us today! I hope Moms are working alongside daughters to go through your own Personal Progress Program, with our Father in heaven knowing each of us so well, as we go through this inspired plan, it becomes individually tailored in a beautiful way.

Onward and Upward! For my youth friends remember, Near or Far wherever you are, you are always in my heart. Keep stretching, keep growing!

~Sister Ries

Uh Oh, It's Ophelia!

An interesting thing happened on the way home from the DMV today. It's sounds like the hook for an upcoming joke, but what I experienced wasn't funny, and it gave me something to ponder.

Somewhere along the road, I ended up following a vehicle licensed, "Ophelia." I followed Ophelia for an excruciatingly long time. The vehicle was driven by a man. When the road ran with double no passing lines, the car went beyond slow, and when it broke into passing lines it sped up fast and short until it came again to double lines and slowed to just below 20 on straight roads with posted 45 speeds.

At first I was frustrated that I could not progress beyond this person who was getting a thrill of holding me back. The joy was obvious in the tortoise and hare race, both characters played by the front driver dependent upon the markings of the road. As I marveled at the selfish behavior of the man behind the wheel, thoughts filled my head.

This person is not unlike the people, elements, and worldly barriers that keep us from progressing. As children and youth, we are dependent upon others to help us in the discovery and encouragement of the wonderful strengths we posses. Some Ophelia's, in our individual lives, might be so uncomfortable within their own selves and choices, they thoughtlessly press to stunt us from progressing beyond where they are to save themselves from the guilt or sorrow of their own choices or situation. Some Ophelias might be insecure beings and try to keep us only unto them, as with a manipulating boyfriend or peer. Ophelias can also be self doubt, our own fear of success. We are blessed to have mentors in parents, teachers, and leaders that love us enough to help us to become visible to the many gifts that were given to us from above, and to provide those growth avenues to grow these gifts, ability, exploration, and learning.

When the driver finally pulled off, he continued at a rapid pace having finished his game. No one held me back. I suddenly had the agency I needed to move forward, feeling like I was at last progressing toward home. The open road felt wonderful with my mind opened wide to all that I could see ahead. Vision was now clear without the larger vehicle blocking my view, where earlier, I could not see the direction I needed to go before me.

Unlike selfish barriers, the loving Lord shows us vast growing room. Opportunity is our surroundings all the way home. Our Father in Heaven wants us to progress to our highest and best ability. He, as the greatest of all parents and mentors, not only tells us what to do, but God shows us the way.

This brings me to my new Personal Progress Value. Choice and Accountability #1. "A daughter of God can make wise decisions. Read and follow a pattern of prayer and scripture study to receive help in making good personal decisions."

Choices have two sides, always. Avoiding being blindsided by the adversary, the road is wide with opportunity and assistance at every which way for good and growing outcomes. God's promises are sure, as is His guiding hand.

More or less, Less is More

I'm not sure who came up with the idea that to balance is to simplify, but after this week I know that core truth is sheer wisdom.

As all these projects in personal progress come to be, all these changes I've set up for myself, my stomach starts in, and day by day it turns more sour. I just couldn't figure out why. Then I became restless in my sleep, so I began to question. Is there something I'm missing, maybe something I'm afraid of but in unawares? I took this to the Lord in prayer and then laid in my bed at night, sorting my thoughts, and compartmentalizing what that might be. My new calling? no. Going back to school? no. Losing my writing? no. Falling short in home and family? no. Other church duties? no. My writer opportunities? no. But when I put it all together--yes.

I knew instantly I'd been biting on too much at once--as with a mouthful of heavy meat that would cause one to choke if swallowed.

Teaching early morning seminary + time for proper preparation to be a successful teacher+ returning to college full time+ 2 hrs study to every hour in class to be that successful student+ home upkeep and family attentions and J's own schooling and being present when Dave is out of town to be a successful wife and mother+ J's now more serious evening ballroom dance classes/ performances + mutual to be a successful support for my daughter+ visiting/ home teaching to be a successful friend +putting in daily writing time and getting myself and books out there to be a successful writer= a feeling I needed to seek out wisdom from Dad, and a knowledge it's not adding up right. Things were already slipping through the cracks.

I adore my Dad Ries. We sat down with my school schedule and he showed me that without anything else my classes equalled a 40 hr. work week alone. He showed me going back to school for me at this stage, is now more about enlightenment than a needed degree for a sustaining career. Beloved Mom Ries showed me how much work I've yet to do just here at home, within my own family and how I needed to guard that time for Jenn. In their wisdom, I cut classes back to where I can ease into education and maintain that happy balance. It was good.

Today in seminary inservice, we played with scripture mastery ideas. Back in the day we called it "Scripture Chase." We didn't have to memorize the scriptures, but locate them and understand them. From the day I learned the key words, "line upon line," I internalized them. That same scripture chase message serves me now as it did then. "...giving line upon line, precept by precept here a little and there a little..."

We learn line upon line in this life, unexpected to do it all, unexpected to be it all, unexpected to have limitless expectation all at once. I don't think I'm ever going to be an editor. I don't even know that I'll teach writing in a community college setting. I do know that I'm going to teach teens about some of the most plain and precious truths available to man. I've no idea what is planned for me after that, if I'll ever have a degree. I may have missed that boat altogether now, time will tell...--but my favorite scripture is in this year's scripture mastery.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy path."

That's good enough for me.

My individual worth project, to prepare for seminary teaching, my knowledge project, to investigate, make preparations, and enroll in college, and my divine nature value #8, to host a foreign exchange student are now complete. (Though the latter was more like welcoming an unknown family member.) We truly learned to love and adore Clara, who came to us from France.

The lesson I've learned here is--goals don't always turn out as we foresee. There's lessons learned in the process. Sometimes we have to fail and learn to fail better, and the lesson there is that it's okay.

Ready, Set, Rise!

They say it takes three weeks to make a habit. This morning I began my climb to a 4:30 am rise and shine time. The alarm was set for 6 am, and I resisted, but rose shortly after. Summer sleepins are past.

I woke with that well known, "this is not going to be fun" smirk accompanied by annoying sleepy seeds, and to keep myself up, left my bedroom.

A load of blankets was tossed in the washer, and with cocoa in hand, got out my scriptures and my seminary manual. What I didn't expect, and had forgotten, is how lovely the sky looks at 6 am--with the fading brush strokes of a water color sunrise. Before the hot sun, there's also critter activity and I watched and listened as birds called out good morning to one another while pecking in the grass for long juicy worms.

As I studied, I also felt fed as an early bird. So many thoughts came to mind. As much as I'd read my scriptures, I didn't realize I wasn't fully utilizing them or the teaching tools inside. For example, did you know the triple combination has an index for multiple mentions? There are four individuals named Aaron, and each is listed and described to be distinguished in that index. Along with the place called Aaron. I never knew. I'd never thought much about the additional tools designed for deeper understanding. I'd used the JST sometimes, and the topical guide to search out talks, but I realized I am about to use my scriptures like they'd never been used before, and learn like I'd never learned before. I'm about to be challenged as I've never been challenged before and humbled as I've never been humbled.

I thought I was ready when I was called to teach seminary. I thought this value project of training and preparation for Individual Worth was going to be easy and simple. I was feeling excited and fearless. Now that's changed.

After this morning's study, I realize I am nothing. Nothing without the Lord and His guidance. This is more than teaching youth the Old Testament. Seminary is about the building up of youth for life, and in more than one facet. This is instilling visibility as sons and daughter of deity, realization, confidence, testimony, courage, ability, purpose, goals, desire, and determination, rejoicing, repentance, wisdom, knowing. As the Lord showed that to my mind, I felt the weight of responsibility both beautiful and dense, and to be taken seriously. I now feel like a newly called missionary as at the MTC as I attend inservice meetings and try to learn what my role is and how to teach. The real mission starts just three weeks from tomorrow. I'm not the teacher. I'm the student. It's the spirit that teaches us all, I really witnessed that this morning. I'm excited to get to earn new level scriptural understanding.

Who's excited for seminary? For my graduated seminary friends, what is one of your favorite seminary memories?

Name Them One By One

I like listening to the music of Jenny Phillips. As I listen this morning, my heart is swelling filled with gratitude. It's interesting how each time I do Personal Progress the program aligns itself with where I am in life. Even the scriptures read give me varied perspectives and I see things differently.

I'm so grateful for this program that keeps me focused, moving, and ever growing.

I'm also grateful for the many individuals that bring great gifts to my life either in wisdom, example, or just friendship. My knowledge project completed, I've begun my Individual Worth Project which is to really prepare and learn to be a good seminary teacher and start the year strong. I've been going to Inservice meetings where I've been learning things about teaching I've never thought of before, and when I mentioned I was gutting my office, a graduated (adored) laurel voiced, "I want to help!" She came on her own, loving heart that she is, and used her organization talents to help me really gut the the room and all its inhabitants. We went through every file and inch of space. Every now and again she'd say, "This is the Rachael rule: If you haven't used it for a year, out it goes." And I followed her rules and we ousted lots. It was fun. But I'm still amazed. She came wanting nothing more than to help, and that sweet offer still moves me.

So my office is now ready with an empty drawer ready for seminary helps, lessons, ideas, tracked works/ doesn't works. It's also ready for PCC materials, and I am ready to get to work when that time comes.

Today I think about my Highlights Friends and their part in this as well. Since my first Chautauqua experience they have encouraged me, mentored me, and have given me opportunities to grow and give to others, and sometimes were bold about what I needed to do next where Kent would tell me things like, "Lori, you've got to stop thinking of your writing as a hobby or something fun, and treat it as a career. It's time to do school visits." Oh, how I love Highlights, it's family, and all I've learned. I've come from a timid thing to being bold in my career path standing tall and firm, resolute to keep pressing forward to learn and develop what is in me to be and become so I can greater give and serve in all facets of my life. Tomorrow I'd be going to Chautauqua learning and enjoying the company of truly great friends. But I'm going to school, paying my own way instead, at least to start. I made up a word to describe what I'm feeling "sadhappy," but today when I received a response for an apology for not being able to sit at the side of the best presentations coach I know, to glean even more of his wisdom. Sweet Peter sent me a note.

Sadappy, indeed, Lori. But I’d say happysad.

Sure, I’ll miss seeing you and catching up face-to-face. But I think it’s wonderful that you’re heading back to school. You are brave. You are to be admired for never being satisfied and for wanting always to improve yourself. That’s why you’ve done so well. That’s why you’re going to do even better in the long run.

I hope so. I want to do better. What an amazing place in life to be. What amazing ventures lie ahead this year. I'm no longer sadappy or happysad. My heart is filled with joy as I go forward trying to utilize the gifts the Lord has so graciously given me. And my heart is filled with love for those showing me the way and encouraging me in my life's journey. Oh, girls, Personal progress is such a beautiful gift from your loving Father who knows you and all you can become. I hope you embrace it and don't just let it lie. Be true to the royal that is in you. Reach for the highest that is in you. You are great.