This last post I posted I wrote a month and a half ago, I've adjusted quite well to the change of empty nests, and it surprised me. (The one with J leaving--not this post)
I just had the most unique dream and I feel like I should share it. Yes, it was that good. I was so excited I tried to post it using my cell phone first thing, but it didn't do it justice as buttons were small and, in texting, the phone kept posting before I was ready or had the chance to edit.
In this stage of my life, I get to talk with all walks of women. I meet them everywhere. In my neighborhood, my writing life, in this world wide church...
Something that stands out strong to me, is that families are weakening. Maybe not yours or mine, but many. That's saddening. There are also many, many women who deal with the aftermath of missing fathers--either physically as with theirs leaving or divorce, or those just emotionally "checked out."
In many, many homes we are not lucky enough to have the Lehi best-case father scenario. That's just how it is. I believe many parents try to do their best with what they have and what they know. But there are the selfish. And that is by individual choice, and no one but that said individual can control their agency.
For those who are hurting, there is hope. That hope is within you.
Teach your children.
Last night, I dreamed I was part of a play. I stood on stage with my husband. We circled the stage, and when I came to the back part of the stage, this time circled with an infant. Then my husband took the infant in his arms and circled alone. Music began and a strobe light flashed as each time he circled he would do various activities with the girl, and other fathers and play daughters looking just a little older lined up to circle the stage. They flew a kite, roller-skated, rode bikes, fished, took photos, danced--did so many, many things as the strobe light made it appear the same father daughter with the daughter growing up. Then an older young woman danced with her dad across the front of the stage, and a young man appeared and she danced into his arms and they danced together going off stage and my husband walked alone with me and again we held hands, a little older, wiser, until we went through the back curtain. I woke then.
And I could on my own then envision the girl and her husband, their turn on stage with child.
Odd dream isn't it?
My growing years weren't perfect, just as many of my friends. But I look at my Katie and Dan and I marvel. We choose what we teach our children. We choose the values we display for them. And they, they can have the promised blessings of a healthy and whole family life.
Marriage is not perfect. The happily ever after of the fairytale is a dream. There are days when Cinderella feels overwhelmed and it shows in her unkempt hair after a long day of two in royal diedies.
Beauty has those days where she gets flustered with Beast's temper when he's stressed with work. Those wide fingers and sharp nails make keyboarding hard! And have you seen Snow Whites yard? The dwarves have their mining gear flung everywhere and Prince Charming won't help because he's too busy on the hunt, I won't even try to describe her kitchen after the lunch bunch.
Marriage is work. It is. It's work. But if two people love each other, they can give and take to strengthen a marriage.
Marriage is sacrifice, without self-sacrifice. Marriage is also loving yourself so that you are fully able to love another. Marriage is trying to be the person your companion deserves, on both sides through the years. (That includes caring for yourself in health and appearance.) Marriage is constantly inventing ways to keep the experiences of marriage new and exciting. Marriage is a learning and growing adventure where two people gain to become their best, celestial selves, in the end.
Don't let past baggage interrupt your marriage. If you have the past disrupting your lives due from serious past issues... get help. Don't hang up your marriage. With help a marriage can be as it once was.
If your spouse is not being the husband/ father he was and something has changed... communicate. Don't hang up your marriage. Talk it out and make some resolutions, it may not be just him that is falling short. You cannot know what one another is thinking if you don't talk, or write, if you're better communicating that way, but communicate.
Many things pile up, but they can be lived with. Unless someone is in danger or in an endless situation of torment and have already tried marital counseling, and there is no recovery... Don't hang up your marriage.
Looking at that stage, that girl growing up is each of us, the loving, ever present, ever guarding father--is our Father in Heaven. My lady friends everywhere, we are never alone.
In this day where Satan is working so hard on our families, recognize Our Father in Heaven's hand. He wants us to succeed. He wants us to succeed in our families and he wants us to teach our children to succeed in theirs.
There are simple things we can do to invite the spirit into our homes, to ease contention, and instill an atmosphere of solitude.
Do we have our personal prayer, in the morning and night?
Do we have personal and family scripture study?
Do we have family prayer with our families.
A bishop friend once told me he asks these questions in marital problem sessions.
Always two of the three are missing.
In strengthening our families, we can always turn to the perfect father who knows how to be a parent, and how to bring love and respect into our hearts and homes. After all, our children are, in reality, His.
Love your families. Be kind to your husbands and children. If they are not kind to you, call them on it, and ask your husbands and children to be kind to you. If it is past a bearable point, seek help first. Don't hang up your marriage.
Happiness in the home is one of God's richest blessings here on earth.
I am grateful for my David and our own little family. I am grateful for the beautiful families my children now have. Katie's Ross is a wonderful man, and Dan's Emily is a wonderful woman. I pray this kind of joy will extend generations as our family grows and we continue to teach our children. My family's happiness is a wonderful gift in my life.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Something New
My stomach is twisting and turning this morning. That usually means I've gone too long without eating, or that something is up. In todays case, I know it's the latter. For the past three mornings, I've waken to the realization that after August third, I'll wake and Jennifer won't be here. ...so I'm now turning the situation on it's head to cope with that, finding myself telling myself, "in less than one year Jennifer will be coming home." I'm thinking about all the exchange student homecomings happening now. J and I ran into an exchange Mom at Subway just last week and she was so elated with just 36 hours and counting before her daughter, gone to Thailand, returned. Jennifer and I are not just mother and daughter. She let me also become her friend at an early age and we are so close.
At first the exchange was exciting. We love exchange students, hosting and getting to know students from other countries and cultures. Although we went through the beginning outbound process, our elder daughter was chosen second to a girl who had experience with exchange students. We had none at the time. Jennifer has wanted to go on long term exchange since she was tiny, with a growing interest in the world's languages, and now for a year she'll be a student in Finland.
Up until now, I've felt nothing but extreme excitement and an overwhelming joy for her. But the Momma heartstrings are getting tugged at these last days, and I'm finding since girl's camp that I'm selfishly grasping at every small moment I can find to be near her. She's at the Old fashioned festival right now gearing up to flip pancakes for Rotary's pancake breakfast. I just look at this girl and I marvel.
She's about to have so many amazing adventures, living in a place that can reach 30 below zero, among northern lights and frozen ocean, and, at the same time a midnight summer sun. Finland is a magical place filled with uniqueness. School for her begins in two short weeks. New halls, new faces, new language, new family, new friends, new culture, new life.
At the same time, it's an amazing thing to be where exchange students gather. There's an automatic bond all around, and the pettiness/ cliquish social habits/ judging that you might see in a high school setting, among students, is not present. They're all instant friends on the same ground, in the same situation. I see Jennifer welcomed, respected, well liked, inclusion, and having been around youth in many scenarios, I think--why can't high school be like that? I see her learning, growing, stretching outside her comfort zone, and beyond happy. I see she belongs, and that she knows she belongs, and it's crazy. For Jennifer, it's perfect.
For me, it's going to also be new. I wasn't quite expecting to have the last of my children leave the nest two years early. What's it going to be like to suddenly have no children at home? To not have schedules that stretch my sane ability? What's it going to be like to shop for just two? Cook for just two, and sometimes one? So many questions and I just don't know. Especially now I'm glad to have my son and daughter in law at least near. And I'm glad my husband is working from home more. This change is going to feel strange. Even as good and as exciting as this situation is. I'm about to grow in a new kind of way, and I think I'm about to learn more about myself as well as I see how well I adapt, as Jennifer learns to adapt in her new surroundings. For her it's an experience north, and for me a North Experiment.
I am excited to see her journey through her. What an amazing opportunity! That keeps me smiling. :)
At first the exchange was exciting. We love exchange students, hosting and getting to know students from other countries and cultures. Although we went through the beginning outbound process, our elder daughter was chosen second to a girl who had experience with exchange students. We had none at the time. Jennifer has wanted to go on long term exchange since she was tiny, with a growing interest in the world's languages, and now for a year she'll be a student in Finland.
Up until now, I've felt nothing but extreme excitement and an overwhelming joy for her. But the Momma heartstrings are getting tugged at these last days, and I'm finding since girl's camp that I'm selfishly grasping at every small moment I can find to be near her. She's at the Old fashioned festival right now gearing up to flip pancakes for Rotary's pancake breakfast. I just look at this girl and I marvel.
She's about to have so many amazing adventures, living in a place that can reach 30 below zero, among northern lights and frozen ocean, and, at the same time a midnight summer sun. Finland is a magical place filled with uniqueness. School for her begins in two short weeks. New halls, new faces, new language, new family, new friends, new culture, new life.
At the same time, it's an amazing thing to be where exchange students gather. There's an automatic bond all around, and the pettiness/ cliquish social habits/ judging that you might see in a high school setting, among students, is not present. They're all instant friends on the same ground, in the same situation. I see Jennifer welcomed, respected, well liked, inclusion, and having been around youth in many scenarios, I think--why can't high school be like that? I see her learning, growing, stretching outside her comfort zone, and beyond happy. I see she belongs, and that she knows she belongs, and it's crazy. For Jennifer, it's perfect.
For me, it's going to also be new. I wasn't quite expecting to have the last of my children leave the nest two years early. What's it going to be like to suddenly have no children at home? To not have schedules that stretch my sane ability? What's it going to be like to shop for just two? Cook for just two, and sometimes one? So many questions and I just don't know. Especially now I'm glad to have my son and daughter in law at least near. And I'm glad my husband is working from home more. This change is going to feel strange. Even as good and as exciting as this situation is. I'm about to grow in a new kind of way, and I think I'm about to learn more about myself as well as I see how well I adapt, as Jennifer learns to adapt in her new surroundings. For her it's an experience north, and for me a North Experiment.
I am excited to see her journey through her. What an amazing opportunity! That keeps me smiling. :)
Thursday, May 30, 2013
A Place to Grow
For the next ten days, I'm going to share the experience I am about to have with Highlights Foundation to bring awareness of this great organization that serves writers.
In 2002 I was introduced to wonderful Highlights Foundation when I was given a scholarship to attend their Chautauqua Writing workshops for a week in nostalgic Chautauqua NY. Our family had fallen on serious hard times with my husband's company closing their doors, claiming bankruptcy, and throwing us in to immense debt after sending him on a trip to work in Europe. Then I had to have a rather hard surgery, and experienced hard complications so after being taken by ambulance late one night, had a second surgery to redo stitches. Third (they say they come in threes) when my doctor gave me the green light to be up and moving, he told David to take me to a movie and that night our car was stolen from the parking lot. Little did I know all three things were blessings.
Not able to move much, with my fast paced Mom life slowed, I grew weary of television, movies, books, and turned to my childhood love of writing for entertainment. I wrote two stories, and realized they were actually pretty good, got bold, and prepared them, and asked my children to mail them for me to the Friend. Both were accepted in a quick turn around. Just days later I was holding two contracts. I was astonished and astonished by the feelings I was having. Something just happened here.
Highlights Foundation (Not the magazine, but the part of Highlights that builds writers) sent me something called "The Chautauqua Report." This was a copy of all the talks that were given by the renowned authors, editors, publishers that had come to their workshops the year before. The more I read, the more my, sponge like, desire to write soaked it up. I felt that I should Highlights to learn more. I was told to apply for the scholarship, even if I didn't think I'd qualify. I drew a breath afraid of failing and did, sending as my writing sample, a little story I called, "Rocking Chair Time."
I had no idea then what was involved. Since then, I've been privileged to serve Highlights in reading the pile of manuscripts sent in for scholarship/ grant consideration, and I am still so amazed that I was one of a number chosen, having seen for myself the level of writing I see when I get to share in that process.
While I had Highlights on the phone, I also asked about The Institute of Children's Literature. I'd taken their test years before, and somehow, even when I'd move they'd find me. We'd been scammed by a vacation company once, so I am not going to be scammed again. I learned that the Institute of Children's Literature, was not a phishing game, but is truly, not only reputable, but highly respectable, and many of Highlights Writers come from that Program--me now included.
Long Story Shortened my husband knew my passion and told me we would replace the car with something used and that the teens could drive, get himself a motorcycle, and with the rest of the ins. money he wanted to send me to the Institute to improve my writing and teach me to create. He added he'd give me Chautauqua if he could, but we just couldn't afford that.--Then, surprisingly, I did get a scholarship, bu was short $800. What was interesting is that is the amount that was left after the car, after the motorcycle, and after enrolling at the Institute of Children's Literature. David gave me the money and said I needed to go. I found myself in Chautauqua, a scared newbie, well cared for by Highlight's Foundation. That week I wrote my first book, Super Sam. My reader that week was darling Emily Mitchell, then assistant editor at Charlesbridge Publishing, and Charlesbridge published it in 2004. It was Emily's first acquisition and my first ever picture book. The experience in Chautauqua learning from the best changed my life and my direction in life, at that point I knew I was reborn, a writer, and my life could never be that same.
Today, The Foundation no longer holds their workshops in Chautauqua, but in Boyds Mills, on the Meyers Family Homestead here in Pennsylvania, where the Highlight's dream, that has served generations of children, was created. For years the Meyers (now passed) legacy has lived on in the very home where writers have gathered for workshops and learning with their esteemed mentors. The Meyers dining table has hosted hundreds of greats like Jane Yolen, Joy Cowley, Jerry and Eileen Spinelli, and many more. I, myself, have been privileged to lead workshops here, and it been beautiful to envision the Meyers children at play in the fields or Mrs. Meyers at the stove being a guest in their family home. Kent Brown, Grandson of Gary Meyers, along with the family, has kept this good going and growing.
Today the Founders Home sits quietly in sight while a newly built edifice buzzes. The barn is a large conference center, which now takes the place for Chautauqua, making these workshops, conferences, and retreats more affordable and accessible to more. Workshops for children's writers and illustrators are spread over the year, meeting all genre and interest needs. Professional faculty create workshops and opportunities to hone writer skills and learn what the industry currently wants.
Writers are cocooned in their cabins of serenity, and the writing energy is magic here.
So, What I am I doing here this round? I've been invited to a short workshop just before mine to sit in and learn about writing for religious and inspirational markets. My friend Kristi Holl is teaching "Sharing Our Hope." I met Kristi at that first Chautauqua I went to. She is gifted, a writing giantess, a retired teacher at the Institute of Children's Literature, and a beautiful person. In a world where edgy is in, I'm very much looking forward to her light, in wisdom about writing around the challenging popular edgy market.
Then, my friend and editor Kim Griswell and I have been teamed up to assist at a non workshop- pure writer retreat to be go-to girls when the writers here need help with the projects they are working on. We'll have professional visitors and after dinner discussions/ writing exercises to get the group charged and united getting to know each other. One on ones is something I really love, and I hope to be busy giving back what I've learned from the Foundation to Foundation writers that are here seeking wisdom. I'm excited for the stories I'll read and the time I'll get to spend helping with writing humps. There's nothing greater than to see a writer's eyes widen and a smile burst forth after a trouble spot disappears. Sometimes that's even followed by a hug because there's so much happy energy that has to go somewhere--then they're off writing again and share the finished product which can and has had me in awe. I've even set up meetings with my editor at Boyds Mills- and gotten a surprise in the mail when the book we worked on years later was published. That's the best!
It doesn't always work that way, and honestly, it's not what I hope for. My goal here is to give my all to writers so they can have a life changing experience. Whether it's giving them something new in truths that improve their creative process. Whether it's building confidence and helping them beyond the fear of failure or of visibility in the spotlight, whether it's turning the manuscript into something ready for submission. At Highlights Foundation we work with the individual trying to get them to that next level of wherever they are and beyond. All needs are different, and all writers are at different places in the journey.
For me, I'm just grateful to be able to continue to grow in the workshop that starts tonight and to have the opportunity to give back tomorrow.
My writing life is beyond sweet, especially here, where I was reborn, a writer.
In 2002 I was introduced to wonderful Highlights Foundation when I was given a scholarship to attend their Chautauqua Writing workshops for a week in nostalgic Chautauqua NY. Our family had fallen on serious hard times with my husband's company closing their doors, claiming bankruptcy, and throwing us in to immense debt after sending him on a trip to work in Europe. Then I had to have a rather hard surgery, and experienced hard complications so after being taken by ambulance late one night, had a second surgery to redo stitches. Third (they say they come in threes) when my doctor gave me the green light to be up and moving, he told David to take me to a movie and that night our car was stolen from the parking lot. Little did I know all three things were blessings.
Not able to move much, with my fast paced Mom life slowed, I grew weary of television, movies, books, and turned to my childhood love of writing for entertainment. I wrote two stories, and realized they were actually pretty good, got bold, and prepared them, and asked my children to mail them for me to the Friend. Both were accepted in a quick turn around. Just days later I was holding two contracts. I was astonished and astonished by the feelings I was having. Something just happened here.
Highlights Foundation (Not the magazine, but the part of Highlights that builds writers) sent me something called "The Chautauqua Report." This was a copy of all the talks that were given by the renowned authors, editors, publishers that had come to their workshops the year before. The more I read, the more my, sponge like, desire to write soaked it up. I felt that I should Highlights to learn more. I was told to apply for the scholarship, even if I didn't think I'd qualify. I drew a breath afraid of failing and did, sending as my writing sample, a little story I called, "Rocking Chair Time."
I had no idea then what was involved. Since then, I've been privileged to serve Highlights in reading the pile of manuscripts sent in for scholarship/ grant consideration, and I am still so amazed that I was one of a number chosen, having seen for myself the level of writing I see when I get to share in that process.
While I had Highlights on the phone, I also asked about The Institute of Children's Literature. I'd taken their test years before, and somehow, even when I'd move they'd find me. We'd been scammed by a vacation company once, so I am not going to be scammed again. I learned that the Institute of Children's Literature, was not a phishing game, but is truly, not only reputable, but highly respectable, and many of Highlights Writers come from that Program--me now included.
Long Story Shortened my husband knew my passion and told me we would replace the car with something used and that the teens could drive, get himself a motorcycle, and with the rest of the ins. money he wanted to send me to the Institute to improve my writing and teach me to create. He added he'd give me Chautauqua if he could, but we just couldn't afford that.--Then, surprisingly, I did get a scholarship, bu was short $800. What was interesting is that is the amount that was left after the car, after the motorcycle, and after enrolling at the Institute of Children's Literature. David gave me the money and said I needed to go. I found myself in Chautauqua, a scared newbie, well cared for by Highlight's Foundation. That week I wrote my first book, Super Sam. My reader that week was darling Emily Mitchell, then assistant editor at Charlesbridge Publishing, and Charlesbridge published it in 2004. It was Emily's first acquisition and my first ever picture book. The experience in Chautauqua learning from the best changed my life and my direction in life, at that point I knew I was reborn, a writer, and my life could never be that same.
Today, The Foundation no longer holds their workshops in Chautauqua, but in Boyds Mills, on the Meyers Family Homestead here in Pennsylvania, where the Highlight's dream, that has served generations of children, was created. For years the Meyers (now passed) legacy has lived on in the very home where writers have gathered for workshops and learning with their esteemed mentors. The Meyers dining table has hosted hundreds of greats like Jane Yolen, Joy Cowley, Jerry and Eileen Spinelli, and many more. I, myself, have been privileged to lead workshops here, and it been beautiful to envision the Meyers children at play in the fields or Mrs. Meyers at the stove being a guest in their family home. Kent Brown, Grandson of Gary Meyers, along with the family, has kept this good going and growing.
Today the Founders Home sits quietly in sight while a newly built edifice buzzes. The barn is a large conference center, which now takes the place for Chautauqua, making these workshops, conferences, and retreats more affordable and accessible to more. Workshops for children's writers and illustrators are spread over the year, meeting all genre and interest needs. Professional faculty create workshops and opportunities to hone writer skills and learn what the industry currently wants.
Writers are cocooned in their cabins of serenity, and the writing energy is magic here.
So, What I am I doing here this round? I've been invited to a short workshop just before mine to sit in and learn about writing for religious and inspirational markets. My friend Kristi Holl is teaching "Sharing Our Hope." I met Kristi at that first Chautauqua I went to. She is gifted, a writing giantess, a retired teacher at the Institute of Children's Literature, and a beautiful person. In a world where edgy is in, I'm very much looking forward to her light, in wisdom about writing around the challenging popular edgy market.
Then, my friend and editor Kim Griswell and I have been teamed up to assist at a non workshop- pure writer retreat to be go-to girls when the writers here need help with the projects they are working on. We'll have professional visitors and after dinner discussions/ writing exercises to get the group charged and united getting to know each other. One on ones is something I really love, and I hope to be busy giving back what I've learned from the Foundation to Foundation writers that are here seeking wisdom. I'm excited for the stories I'll read and the time I'll get to spend helping with writing humps. There's nothing greater than to see a writer's eyes widen and a smile burst forth after a trouble spot disappears. Sometimes that's even followed by a hug because there's so much happy energy that has to go somewhere--then they're off writing again and share the finished product which can and has had me in awe. I've even set up meetings with my editor at Boyds Mills- and gotten a surprise in the mail when the book we worked on years later was published. That's the best!
It doesn't always work that way, and honestly, it's not what I hope for. My goal here is to give my all to writers so they can have a life changing experience. Whether it's giving them something new in truths that improve their creative process. Whether it's building confidence and helping them beyond the fear of failure or of visibility in the spotlight, whether it's turning the manuscript into something ready for submission. At Highlights Foundation we work with the individual trying to get them to that next level of wherever they are and beyond. All needs are different, and all writers are at different places in the journey.
For me, I'm just grateful to be able to continue to grow in the workshop that starts tonight and to have the opportunity to give back tomorrow.
My writing life is beyond sweet, especially here, where I was reborn, a writer.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Here There Be Dragons
I come away from this ANWA writing conference renewed, reenergized, recharged and with "grit."
And what I have to say, I say especially to my own children and to my youth friends--you know who you are.
I have "always" believed in my children, always. There are so many parents out there, who don't believe in their own children, who don't open eyes to show what they are capable of doing or becoming, who don't mentor them toward success in life, education, or eternal life, who don't invest time with them to encourage the development of that gifted soul, and it's sad.
In my writing life-- especially when I go to schools on author visits, those are the kids I try to reach the most. If you have wonderful nurturing engaged parents that lift and build you, be grateful, count your blessings, and listen to them. Parents are your biggest fans!
I had the most incredible experience in meeting the magnificent James Owen. My heart is still racing. Not because he's superman (literally) donning a superman ring as his wedding ring, wearing a superman shirt under his dress shirt, and carrying a superman seal in his pocket, which his young son also carries when James is away. Not because he's a millionaire with a plethora of high book sales and is making a movie with the Lord of the Rings crew. Not even because he's so huge that I feel like a nymph standing next to him in comparison---but because of the words he said to me after lunch, when he invited our conversation to carry on, inviting me to join him at the lunch table. After many left, we continued to talk in depth as he shared his career story with me, and asked me to share mine with him--including my slump in being told again and again I'm good but not edgy enough and controversy sells. (Words to make me never want to publish again.)
"You already know you're good. When you're good, sometimes you have to bold and tell others their wrong. You can do this. You can do anything you set your mind to. You might have to revise your novels 21 times to do it, but you can, and it's worth it." Pause... "I'm going to give you a card, and right now it's what you need to hear from me most." It was a small card, a card with a red dragon. It reads, "I believe in you." He signed it for me and it's going on my computer.
Okay youth friends, listen up. If I've ever shared my heart with you, I'm telling you from the core what I want you to hear right now. With every tiny measure of matter that makes me me, I want you to know you are unique. Heavenly Father has a plan, (just -for -you.) And if you listen, as He leads you along in your choosing correct principals, You will hear him saying, "I believe in you. You have a greater purpose--(realization of what that is will come later of course) but here's the catcher, "I will not let you fall."
There is a story behind that last line that Jaimie shared as our closing keynote, but I felt that truth all through me, as I heard this from him. You have a purpose (that is all your own) and your Father in Heaven will not let you fall. You will get bumps and scrapes, having to climb up some rocky surfaces sure---but in the end, you will reach that potential, and the view will be glorious. The younger you start making smart, bold, correct, and meaningful choices, the sooner you will find your way to becoming who the Lord would have you be. Your parents can be your greatest support. At age 14, this guy was already submitting to DC comics, and I can give you a long list of his unyielding boldness from there.
You can do whatever you put your mind to if you want it. But no one can help you if you don't want it. It's like the Chautauqua banquet prayer, "Help us to realize it's not who we are that holds us back, but who we think we are not." Realization takes bold action. As Jaimie put it Are you the kind of person who just lets things happen? Or are you the kind of person that makes things happen?
When he asked me at lunch, it was something I'd never thought about before. But, I have made some bold moves and choices. If I wasn't bold...I wouldn't be a published author, a public speaker, or talking face to face with Superman without shaking in my socks.
This was just what I needed to delve back in to my writing. My health back, my thinking clear, I am ready to come home and be bold. I hope my youth friends will be bold, too.
This life is all about choices. If you think about it, and that word choices encompasses EVERYTHING this life is about--that's all it's about, choices. The rest falls into place according to our choices. We can still choose right, even when things are tough and wrong in outside influence. That sadly might be home, that might be peers, that might be health, or the economy. We are all survivors, as we pass through whatever life wants to hurl at us with both hands. With trial we strengthen our resolve which just brings us closer to what the Lord has for us to do as we overcome and thus become refined.
And when life is sweet, it's very sweet. Who knows how much time any of us has---the point is to choose to use the time we have to our best advantage for our long term joy.
Got a dream?
Stand up, speak up, act up, be bold for you.
"I" believe in you. Face your dragons.
If you choose to follow God's divine plan for you,
He will not let you fall.
And what I have to say, I say especially to my own children and to my youth friends--you know who you are.
I have "always" believed in my children, always. There are so many parents out there, who don't believe in their own children, who don't open eyes to show what they are capable of doing or becoming, who don't mentor them toward success in life, education, or eternal life, who don't invest time with them to encourage the development of that gifted soul, and it's sad.
In my writing life-- especially when I go to schools on author visits, those are the kids I try to reach the most. If you have wonderful nurturing engaged parents that lift and build you, be grateful, count your blessings, and listen to them. Parents are your biggest fans!
I had the most incredible experience in meeting the magnificent James Owen. My heart is still racing. Not because he's superman (literally) donning a superman ring as his wedding ring, wearing a superman shirt under his dress shirt, and carrying a superman seal in his pocket, which his young son also carries when James is away. Not because he's a millionaire with a plethora of high book sales and is making a movie with the Lord of the Rings crew. Not even because he's so huge that I feel like a nymph standing next to him in comparison---but because of the words he said to me after lunch, when he invited our conversation to carry on, inviting me to join him at the lunch table. After many left, we continued to talk in depth as he shared his career story with me, and asked me to share mine with him--including my slump in being told again and again I'm good but not edgy enough and controversy sells. (Words to make me never want to publish again.)
"You already know you're good. When you're good, sometimes you have to bold and tell others their wrong. You can do this. You can do anything you set your mind to. You might have to revise your novels 21 times to do it, but you can, and it's worth it." Pause... "I'm going to give you a card, and right now it's what you need to hear from me most." It was a small card, a card with a red dragon. It reads, "I believe in you." He signed it for me and it's going on my computer.
Okay youth friends, listen up. If I've ever shared my heart with you, I'm telling you from the core what I want you to hear right now. With every tiny measure of matter that makes me me, I want you to know you are unique. Heavenly Father has a plan, (just -for -you.) And if you listen, as He leads you along in your choosing correct principals, You will hear him saying, "I believe in you. You have a greater purpose--(realization of what that is will come later of course) but here's the catcher, "I will not let you fall."
There is a story behind that last line that Jaimie shared as our closing keynote, but I felt that truth all through me, as I heard this from him. You have a purpose (that is all your own) and your Father in Heaven will not let you fall. You will get bumps and scrapes, having to climb up some rocky surfaces sure---but in the end, you will reach that potential, and the view will be glorious. The younger you start making smart, bold, correct, and meaningful choices, the sooner you will find your way to becoming who the Lord would have you be. Your parents can be your greatest support. At age 14, this guy was already submitting to DC comics, and I can give you a long list of his unyielding boldness from there.
You can do whatever you put your mind to if you want it. But no one can help you if you don't want it. It's like the Chautauqua banquet prayer, "Help us to realize it's not who we are that holds us back, but who we think we are not." Realization takes bold action. As Jaimie put it Are you the kind of person who just lets things happen? Or are you the kind of person that makes things happen?
When he asked me at lunch, it was something I'd never thought about before. But, I have made some bold moves and choices. If I wasn't bold...I wouldn't be a published author, a public speaker, or talking face to face with Superman without shaking in my socks.
This was just what I needed to delve back in to my writing. My health back, my thinking clear, I am ready to come home and be bold. I hope my youth friends will be bold, too.
This life is all about choices. If you think about it, and that word choices encompasses EVERYTHING this life is about--that's all it's about, choices. The rest falls into place according to our choices. We can still choose right, even when things are tough and wrong in outside influence. That sadly might be home, that might be peers, that might be health, or the economy. We are all survivors, as we pass through whatever life wants to hurl at us with both hands. With trial we strengthen our resolve which just brings us closer to what the Lord has for us to do as we overcome and thus become refined.
And when life is sweet, it's very sweet. Who knows how much time any of us has---the point is to choose to use the time we have to our best advantage for our long term joy.
Got a dream?
Stand up, speak up, act up, be bold for you.
"I" believe in you. Face your dragons.
If you choose to follow God's divine plan for you,
He will not let you fall.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Potholes According to Pilots
Sometime ago, on a plane trip home from Highlights, I was privileged to sit next to a pilot. She was going home after her long route. We talked about how, ever since she was a little girl, she'd been prepared to fly. She shared the rush she felt when her father took her up in his private plane throughout her childhood, and of all the time she spent on the airfield. She said she was born with wings. As our own pilot warned us about upcoming turbulence, I asked the lady pilot how pilots navigated through the rough. She shot me a straight white smile. "Turbulence," she said, "is what pilots love best. They're like bumps in the road. When there are small controlled air pockets, you generally don't feel them because all we have to do is go higher or lower in elevation to avoid it, just like you'd go around a pothole in the road. It makes the flight boring for the pilot, but we like the boring just because it makes the passengers feel safe. Really, you're safe when you feel turbulence. Air pockets are just like bumps in the road, you just keep going forward because the bigger bumps can't always be avoided."
I thought of this conversation this morning, and caught a glimmer of a lesson as I pondered my latest trial.
I'm not going to go into deep details, but this past year, numerous physical challenges effected my quality of life. I went from heels to flats, from outgoing to quiet, and have been laying low doing just what I can in some facets of my life, and nothing at all in others because I lost the capability to function in those areas--namely my writing and other areas of concentration.
I've been seeing doctors to take care of these changes as they occur. First, were harsh ongoing abdominal pain issues, then came midlife's physical changes, but the worst was the latest, which effected the parts of me that make me who I am. Balance, Muscle strength, and thought process, speech, and retention, memory lapse, concentration. I was having headaches, ringing in the ears, strange changes for me. The change in my wellbeing was so quick, real, and frightening. I kept a journal of all the oddities I noticed happening with my mind and body, which served my doctor well.
My wonderful doctor, who has been my doctor for 14 years, is so good, and knew conditions with me were not right. First, she solved the incredibly painful stomach issues. It took some time but it turned out to be my diet; that being sugar substitutes doing more damage than good for my body. Mid life symptoms warranted blood work. She found B-12 deficiency and need for estrogen. The B-12 is a nervous system vitamin and just in case the gait/ functioning issues were more, she sent me to a neurologist.
Smart cookie that I am--I took my notebook and put in my symptoms altogether on Google. Up popped MS, and as I studied and read about the disease and saw the same signs, I wondered. I have friends living with MS and an aunt who died from it. When I failed the neurosurgeon's finger to my nose test and then his heal to toe gait test, I was bothered and just came out with it. "Could it be MS?"
I learned Doctor's lie.
"I was going to do an MRI," he said, "and lets also do a contrast MRI to give you piece of mind, but no, I don't think you have MS."
Yesterday, I saw the several brain scans. And I saw the same person, but a different doctor. The happy, light tone of first meeting had changed.
I've been on B12 faithfully, and he told me to begin yoga to work on balance. I've been faithful and I am no longer as he called me, "a weeble that wabbles but won't fall down." There was no need for me to over correct to keep myself from falling. My balance was stronger. This time, I touched his finger, then my nose instead of missing, and as we sat to look at the many scans of what he called my "beautiful brain," I was struck by the seriousness of his slow quiet tone. "I was relieved to find no signs of MS," he said. He showed me what an MS brain would look like. My brain had clean lines and looked great all around. As he spoke, I realized that he thought I really could have had MS when he first saw me. That was the only reason for the MRI and contrast MRI. --and then he added in all seriousness with a cracking voice, how happy he was to see what he sees and that he hopes he never has to see me again. Adding he meant that in the kindest way.
You hate getting older because with every doctor visit, you fear with age that something will be found eventually. That moment when that solemn doctor unveiled his true thinking, opened my eyes. And as I thought of that pilot controlling what she has the power to control, I realized she's not so unlike me.
There are some bumps I can go around in choosing better. Health takes care, self discipline, and even self mastery. I almost feel Scrooged, only instead of three ghosts, I saw several brain images. Clean. It makes me want to take better care of myself for keeping young, active, able, and fit.
As for the bumps I can't control... I'll just keep going forward, and let faith smooth it all out.
Choice and Accountability #9
Making choices is part of Heavenly Father's plan for us. The bodies he has given us are our responsibility. Establish a pattern of wise body management by making a plan for workouts and healthy eating, including endurance, strength, and rest (sleep) and menus. Live within this plan for three months. Set priorities that allow you to meet your health and fitness goals. Record what you learn and how following these patterns will continue to bless your life.
I thought of this conversation this morning, and caught a glimmer of a lesson as I pondered my latest trial.
I'm not going to go into deep details, but this past year, numerous physical challenges effected my quality of life. I went from heels to flats, from outgoing to quiet, and have been laying low doing just what I can in some facets of my life, and nothing at all in others because I lost the capability to function in those areas--namely my writing and other areas of concentration.
I've been seeing doctors to take care of these changes as they occur. First, were harsh ongoing abdominal pain issues, then came midlife's physical changes, but the worst was the latest, which effected the parts of me that make me who I am. Balance, Muscle strength, and thought process, speech, and retention, memory lapse, concentration. I was having headaches, ringing in the ears, strange changes for me. The change in my wellbeing was so quick, real, and frightening. I kept a journal of all the oddities I noticed happening with my mind and body, which served my doctor well.
My wonderful doctor, who has been my doctor for 14 years, is so good, and knew conditions with me were not right. First, she solved the incredibly painful stomach issues. It took some time but it turned out to be my diet; that being sugar substitutes doing more damage than good for my body. Mid life symptoms warranted blood work. She found B-12 deficiency and need for estrogen. The B-12 is a nervous system vitamin and just in case the gait/ functioning issues were more, she sent me to a neurologist.
Smart cookie that I am--I took my notebook and put in my symptoms altogether on Google. Up popped MS, and as I studied and read about the disease and saw the same signs, I wondered. I have friends living with MS and an aunt who died from it. When I failed the neurosurgeon's finger to my nose test and then his heal to toe gait test, I was bothered and just came out with it. "Could it be MS?"
I learned Doctor's lie.
"I was going to do an MRI," he said, "and lets also do a contrast MRI to give you piece of mind, but no, I don't think you have MS."
Yesterday, I saw the several brain scans. And I saw the same person, but a different doctor. The happy, light tone of first meeting had changed.
I've been on B12 faithfully, and he told me to begin yoga to work on balance. I've been faithful and I am no longer as he called me, "a weeble that wabbles but won't fall down." There was no need for me to over correct to keep myself from falling. My balance was stronger. This time, I touched his finger, then my nose instead of missing, and as we sat to look at the many scans of what he called my "beautiful brain," I was struck by the seriousness of his slow quiet tone. "I was relieved to find no signs of MS," he said. He showed me what an MS brain would look like. My brain had clean lines and looked great all around. As he spoke, I realized that he thought I really could have had MS when he first saw me. That was the only reason for the MRI and contrast MRI. --and then he added in all seriousness with a cracking voice, how happy he was to see what he sees and that he hopes he never has to see me again. Adding he meant that in the kindest way.
You hate getting older because with every doctor visit, you fear with age that something will be found eventually. That moment when that solemn doctor unveiled his true thinking, opened my eyes. And as I thought of that pilot controlling what she has the power to control, I realized she's not so unlike me.
There are some bumps I can go around in choosing better. Health takes care, self discipline, and even self mastery. I almost feel Scrooged, only instead of three ghosts, I saw several brain images. Clean. It makes me want to take better care of myself for keeping young, active, able, and fit.
As for the bumps I can't control... I'll just keep going forward, and let faith smooth it all out.
Choice and Accountability #9
Making choices is part of Heavenly Father's plan for us. The bodies he has given us are our responsibility. Establish a pattern of wise body management by making a plan for workouts and healthy eating, including endurance, strength, and rest (sleep) and menus. Live within this plan for three months. Set priorities that allow you to meet your health and fitness goals. Record what you learn and how following these patterns will continue to bless your life.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Hooks and Ladders
Last night Jennifer had New Beginnings. --- I learned a lot about myself just in being there. I learned that I don't like to "let go." Hooked to what was... I still blog and wonder if the girls/ women I love and served know that I still care about them and pray for them. I realized I don't like letting go of them, of my Tigard Ward Family, of my old neighborhood. I've fought it. Hard. I think that is why I get unhappy at times. Not all moves are easy ones even if the views are grand and the home is a dream. Home is where the heart is. In truth, locality wise, my heart, though I try, hasn't been here. It's been with Bishop Garner who helped my family through tough stuff. It's been in my old kitchen where teen boys constantly raided my refrigerator between invading countries in RISK or Monopoly and where girls taped three sets of twister games together and played in the family room or slept in tents in the backyard. It's with Erika who was just the truest of friends my confidant and trustee. It's with Laura Busby, who I dearly loved and visited as my children's and my own adopted grandmother. It's in the street where I gathered the neighborhood children and my own to play kickball, and playing decor with my neighbor lady friends, twisting my furniture this way and that, shopping and learning from them while we just enjoyed being girls together. It's with a friend who shared her morning and blessings with me in our "Temple Tuesdays." It's with the primary children where I donned a red apron that reads "Sister Friendly" to share a literacy lesson. It's with my Young Adults boating, running through Uyajamajia scavanger hunts and corn mazes, and of course it's with my beautiful, elegant, and precious young women--where most are graduated or getting close to graduating. Merrying, Marrying, Mothering... They are amazing and they still hold my heart.
It's been so, so, so hard to let go. Especially up here where teen voices are hushed, there are no more friend or fun girl drop bys. The temple isn't a simple 7 minutes away. My neighbors don't congregate, visit, talk with each other. I'm the only one that sees my Christmas Lights. I'm used to a happy koolaid mom kinda house, lots of laughter and fun. Not silence. Whoever said silence is golden? Truly missed out. Remember the cherry on the hill from the last blog? It has not been as easy to get down and congregate as thought.
Men are that they might have joy. But Im starting to see that I've not let myself have that joy that Heavenly Father so badly wants me to have at this awkward lost stage of life. Even if I remained where I was... Mommy days are done. Those kids are grown, even my Jenn is grown. The Garners have long been in Alaska, Laura's passed on, the Becks--whose son Jeff did EVERYTHING scouts, eagle, mission, marriage, with our Dan, just moved. It's so strange how quickly life shifts and things change. I learned I hide these feelings behind seminary, school, writing--just trying to find my place here. It's a confusing place. Neighbors just don't talk to each other on the hill. And I really miss having a couple to play with like our Utah Niedfeldts or now Michigan's Jean and Bryce. As people get older and no longer have little ones, do they really just stop playing? You invite people over and they just don't reciprocate. I'm not used to wondering why I can't connect or feel a part when it was so easy before and we were a very large part of the ward (family), neighbor, and town communities. I think I'm learning the key really is in having young children. Adults connect and play because their kids do. I don't believe adults really think about connecting and playing just with adults as couples.
So that's been my hook. Let's talk about Ladders.
Last night at New Beginnings we got to listen to a Life Coach give us the 10 things she wished she'd listened to in Young Women, and to my great surprise, Michelle Young, gave me a gift in a ladder. She made me think and helped me to see my own problem in this hook---that really isn't realistic since it doesn't even exist anymore.
Here are the ten things.
1. No matter what I've done/not done so far it's okay. (That's involving life in general. Everyday is a New Beginning.)
2. Even if I follow the recipe (prayer, scripture study, FHE,--you know the Sunday School answer) My recipe isn't going to turn out like everyone else's recipe. Bad stuff still happens--but enduring the bumps along the way is better because of the recipe.
3. Eventhough leaders and others look perfect-they're not. Everyone struggles, everyone's flawed. Everyone's faking it. (hence, this blog.)
4. I can do anything I want to accomplish. (YES!)
5. I need to believe in myself, have faith in my Heavenly Father, and have faith in me. Personal Progress gives us the chance to explore who we are and who we want to be. (it brought me to my writing.)
6. It is important to fail. No one who has ever accomplished anything, has never failed. (That just took me back to Jerry Spinelli saying that "Failure is the stepping stone to success. We learn to fail and fail better." We just get to that awkward stage---and push through. (I liked that since awkward for me is now.)
7. Morality, Word of Wisdom, Repentance. The Atonement is such a gift. Christ does the rest when we measure short. (Hello? Midget here!)
8. The best scripture is Men are that they might have joy. I need to find joy in my path in the "real," "simple" things. I need to be who I am and enjoy who I am. (and not be so much of a perfectionist or afraid of what I hear again and again in others worrying they are not liked. (That's very new to me. We need to not care about that and accept that's someone else's problem, not ours. People have issues and remember people, it's the small people that gossip. Gossip Hurts.)
9.Gratitude is the opportunity to have all we want right now. I need to be grateful for all I have right now. When we focus on the good things, more good will come. (I love that one. Gratitude is one of my favorite words, and in being ungratefully hooked, I lost sight of that.)
10. Charity is just about being kind. When I don't feel good inside being kind makes me feel better.
11. (She gave us a bonus.)
11. Embrace the small and simple things---I love how she worded this. "When (I) pray to my Heavenly Father I am with my Heavenly Father in that moment." (Isn't that a lovely thought?)
She presented these in 3rd person, I rewrite the messages in first because I felt them go right through me and pierce.
Now is the time for joy! That joy is for each of us!
So... to heck with hooks! I'm choosing this ladder to be happy in living where I am living and in proceeding where I am proceeding and am going to push through the awkward of the silent house, silent neighborhood, and silent playdates. This is the roller coaster whirl we call life. There's hills and there are valleys. During one of my deepest valleys, a friend gave me a coin that read, "Attitude is Everything."
I believe that.
Do you?
What hooks do you have, that keep you from progressing and finding that joy? Look to the ladder truths to climb from the rut.
I did complete my last goal--but the rut has shut out my personal progress for too long, so back at it...
Divine Nature #3
"Make your home life better. For two weeks make a special effort to strengthen your relationship with a family member by showing love through your actions. Refrain from judging, criticizing, or speaking unkindly, and watch for positive qualities in that family member....."
Make Every Day a New Beginning and shine on!
Love,
Sister Ries
It's been so, so, so hard to let go. Especially up here where teen voices are hushed, there are no more friend or fun girl drop bys. The temple isn't a simple 7 minutes away. My neighbors don't congregate, visit, talk with each other. I'm the only one that sees my Christmas Lights. I'm used to a happy koolaid mom kinda house, lots of laughter and fun. Not silence. Whoever said silence is golden? Truly missed out. Remember the cherry on the hill from the last blog? It has not been as easy to get down and congregate as thought.
Men are that they might have joy. But Im starting to see that I've not let myself have that joy that Heavenly Father so badly wants me to have at this awkward lost stage of life. Even if I remained where I was... Mommy days are done. Those kids are grown, even my Jenn is grown. The Garners have long been in Alaska, Laura's passed on, the Becks--whose son Jeff did EVERYTHING scouts, eagle, mission, marriage, with our Dan, just moved. It's so strange how quickly life shifts and things change. I learned I hide these feelings behind seminary, school, writing--just trying to find my place here. It's a confusing place. Neighbors just don't talk to each other on the hill. And I really miss having a couple to play with like our Utah Niedfeldts or now Michigan's Jean and Bryce. As people get older and no longer have little ones, do they really just stop playing? You invite people over and they just don't reciprocate. I'm not used to wondering why I can't connect or feel a part when it was so easy before and we were a very large part of the ward (family), neighbor, and town communities. I think I'm learning the key really is in having young children. Adults connect and play because their kids do. I don't believe adults really think about connecting and playing just with adults as couples.
So that's been my hook. Let's talk about Ladders.
Last night at New Beginnings we got to listen to a Life Coach give us the 10 things she wished she'd listened to in Young Women, and to my great surprise, Michelle Young, gave me a gift in a ladder. She made me think and helped me to see my own problem in this hook---that really isn't realistic since it doesn't even exist anymore.
Here are the ten things.
1. No matter what I've done/not done so far it's okay. (That's involving life in general. Everyday is a New Beginning.)
2. Even if I follow the recipe (prayer, scripture study, FHE,--you know the Sunday School answer) My recipe isn't going to turn out like everyone else's recipe. Bad stuff still happens--but enduring the bumps along the way is better because of the recipe.
3. Eventhough leaders and others look perfect-they're not. Everyone struggles, everyone's flawed. Everyone's faking it. (hence, this blog.)
4. I can do anything I want to accomplish. (YES!)
5. I need to believe in myself, have faith in my Heavenly Father, and have faith in me. Personal Progress gives us the chance to explore who we are and who we want to be. (it brought me to my writing.)
6. It is important to fail. No one who has ever accomplished anything, has never failed. (That just took me back to Jerry Spinelli saying that "Failure is the stepping stone to success. We learn to fail and fail better." We just get to that awkward stage---and push through. (I liked that since awkward for me is now.)
7. Morality, Word of Wisdom, Repentance. The Atonement is such a gift. Christ does the rest when we measure short. (Hello? Midget here!)
8. The best scripture is Men are that they might have joy. I need to find joy in my path in the "real," "simple" things. I need to be who I am and enjoy who I am. (and not be so much of a perfectionist or afraid of what I hear again and again in others worrying they are not liked. (That's very new to me. We need to not care about that and accept that's someone else's problem, not ours. People have issues and remember people, it's the small people that gossip. Gossip Hurts.)
9.Gratitude is the opportunity to have all we want right now. I need to be grateful for all I have right now. When we focus on the good things, more good will come. (I love that one. Gratitude is one of my favorite words, and in being ungratefully hooked, I lost sight of that.)
10. Charity is just about being kind. When I don't feel good inside being kind makes me feel better.
11. (She gave us a bonus.)
11. Embrace the small and simple things---I love how she worded this. "When (I) pray to my Heavenly Father I am with my Heavenly Father in that moment." (Isn't that a lovely thought?)
She presented these in 3rd person, I rewrite the messages in first because I felt them go right through me and pierce.
Now is the time for joy! That joy is for each of us!
So... to heck with hooks! I'm choosing this ladder to be happy in living where I am living and in proceeding where I am proceeding and am going to push through the awkward of the silent house, silent neighborhood, and silent playdates. This is the roller coaster whirl we call life. There's hills and there are valleys. During one of my deepest valleys, a friend gave me a coin that read, "Attitude is Everything."
I believe that.
Do you?
What hooks do you have, that keep you from progressing and finding that joy? Look to the ladder truths to climb from the rut.
I did complete my last goal--but the rut has shut out my personal progress for too long, so back at it...
Divine Nature #3
"Make your home life better. For two weeks make a special effort to strengthen your relationship with a family member by showing love through your actions. Refrain from judging, criticizing, or speaking unkindly, and watch for positive qualities in that family member....."
Make Every Day a New Beginning and shine on!
Love,
Sister Ries
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