Facing Integrity

Last night I learned: Weekly menus are only as good as you are in realizing a menu has become spent and keeping up with the next. I half panicked last night when asked to take a meal to a sister tonight, wondering what I had. In a pinch I can handle breakfast for dinner, grilled cheese and Campbell's, but you wouldn't exactly take PB&J and goldfish to a ward family. Nor would you serve them Bulgar Casserole and dried apple slices. Shopping close to a menu, I need to also plan for the unexpected.

The George Fox student center sits quiet this memorial weekend, and the week is going to feel loaded with company so tomorrow will be my food shop day. Sunday is a great day for Personal Progress and while Jenn works on her Civil Rights Project, I thought I'd take on another value, Integrity#2.

I am still so moved when I look back on an incident that happened with my son when he was in the 5th grade. Daniel had a friend that he frequently spent time with. They went to the same elementary school. With both parents working, this boy and a younger brother were at times left alone at home. Mom (that's me) had an important set of rules for kids regarding friends. I wanted to know where my kids were. Who they were with, and how long they planned to be gone. They never went to a friends' home if the parents were not home. To go to a friend's home, I had to meet the parents beforehand.

This friend called my son to come over, knowing this rule. He told Dan his parents were home so I drove him to his friends home. A cool kid never is accompanied by his mom to the door of a friend, so I respected his space, taking care of goodbyes in the car, and waited for him to enter before pulling away. Sons don't mind if moms come to the door to pick them up. That's different.

But when Dan got out of the car, he leaned back in. "Mom, will you wait? I have a feeling Brandon's parents aren't really home."

The maturity of my son's request surprised me. Sure enough, a disappointed Daniel returned. "Brandon lied, he thought it would be okay if you didn't know." Brandon did not know Daniel as well as he'd thought. I am still impressed by the boy he was, and the man he is today. True integrity is seen by the choices we make when no one else is watching. (If my youth friends are reading, did you realize what examples you are to your parents?)

For this value I'm asked to do a self assessment asking myself do I gossip, tell inappropriate jokes, use swearing and profanity, am I light minded about the sacred, always truthful, morally clean, honest, dependable, trustworthy in school work and activities? I'm to write what I can improve, and one new habit I want to develop.

I think, in these particular focused areas, I'm really strong. Gossip hurts. That's just a fact. Uncomfortable jokes make me uncomfortable, vulgar jokes make me uncomfortable, there's no humor in that for me. My husband screens questionable movies for me because he knows what makes me cringe. I don't know, to me there's so much of a range to vocabulary that profanity seems unnecessary and feels like low form vocabulary. I'm just not that interested.

Light minded about the sacred. Morally clean, no issues. Completely Truthful/ Honest. This is the one I have to think about. It's a many faceted loaded value. Half truths, or leads to belief, from either appearance or verbal misleadings is still dishonesty. Why? Because a person is led to believe in something that is not true.

Examples--Focus and balance in a day are not exact// Come on kids, Dad's coming home let's hurry and clean this house! (It looks like mom has worked all day by the time dad comes home.) Then comes that comment: Wow, you've sure been busy today!

Or: Mom has been working all day doing all sorts of good, and then comes that question: Did you work out today?--(you know he means weights but laundry stair laps and vacuuming arm rows count don't they?) I think I can work more on "being completely honest."

Okay, so things I can do, and one new habit. I'm going to give being completely truthful a shot and think about that more. I think that's going to hard. I'll bet in truth we skirt around pure truth more than we realize without intention.

"So...is he cute?"

"He's got an AWESOME sense of humor!"

"What do you think of my new haircut?"

"Do you like it?"

"yes..."

"It's cute!"

In general, I really am an honest person--but I think that as I focus here, I'm going to find levels of pure truth that I didn't see before. I'm curious to know if that's true. ;^)

Crazies and Cornbread

Keeping a Personal Progress Blog has been such a great way to keep me focused and on track. Menus are going well. It's fun to look back and see what I've done. It feels so good to see me making myself grow in so many various ways, as I stretch to try new things and even some quite ambitious things. In short, I'm having a blast.

When I logged on this morning to respond to email, I was surprised to learn I had an email from George Fox, with an account and password. The student services account lets me see what is happening with my application. I can see what is lacking, and the missing elements become checked off as they come in.

Today I asked three people who know me very well to send reference letters. I chose my editor at Charlesbridge, who I just think the world of, the wonderful man responsible for my involvement with Highlights and my career as a writer, and my wonderful bishop who moved to Alaska.

One of these friends shared their letter with me, and I was so moved. I am just so blessed to have such mentors and friends. Every now and again, I can't help but look about in awe. The warmth and support surrounding me from the start of my writing life all the way to present is just immeasurable. I feel so blessed and loved, and grateful to know such wonderful people. I hope to make them proud and somehow return all the good they continuously do for me.

A nervous excited feeling makes my heart race when I turn the computer on now. Emails like, "Do Not Respond" come up telling me a transcript has been sent, and my heart just flutters as my breath is caught in the wonder of something that is really happening. Something I've only been able to dream about for as long as I can remember.

And so on this day---with this nervous energy I took my husband's advice and played in the kitchen. Chili and Homeade Cornbread is cooked and waiting and Jenn's school isn't even out yet. My nervous energies are coming out all whack. But cornbread, or Johnny cake, as my Grandmother called it, is a favorite. It's never too early for cornbread. Just like it's never too late to apply ourselves to accomplish whatever we wish to do. I still can't believe I might actually get to go to college for real.

This is a good day.

On another note, I accomplished Good Works# 6 yesterday. But when it comes to service to others, well. Let's just say I'll keep that in my heart. The requirement is to give three hours of service outside my family, but I think that's an ongoing opportunity and joy.

Now to get back to checking off to dos. Having a place to divert nervous energy is good.

So You Think You Can Think

I've been multi tasking. Helping Jenn wrap up multiple school projects, Keeping up pace with home needs, and attacking university application prep has been my day's deeds.

Last night I couldn't sleep so I jumped on the George Fox Site and studied. My application window became null with a phone call to George Fox today. I was told there's still some room for students, but that Fall term was nearly full, and that I needed to hurry. Now is the deadline.

I was given the name of a counselor to call tomorrow. I'm to let him know my application is in and transcripts have been ordered. My application has been received and dated, because I jumped turning my afternoon into a race for completion. It's a long process to apply. A six page application, complete with full page essay. Then, I had to contact the schools of my education, including Helena High and Leilehua, of thirty years ago. It was so fun to hear the cute lady on the other end of the phone, "Leilehua High School..." I wonder how much that phone call to Hawaii will cost? That will be a curious find. But thirty years ago is a factor in the decision.

I find it interesting that what happened thirty years ago can effect opportunities for education thirty years later. I had no idea my teen life could have so much impact on my adult life. I see now how Personal progress values bleed together to make us who we are, and that new realization--the outcome of how values used, for good or ill, together through the ages, is lasting and important. Our ability to deal and function through adversity in teen years, is then also important. A GPA is a GPA and it holds merit, apparently forever. That could be good or bad.

Choice and accountability, have an impact on this decision as transcripts are reviewed. For me there are no ACT or SAT scores to consider, and, the marks of the shy and horribly insecure teen are nothing to brag about. Hopefully what I became, and what I've done with my life since those awkward years, will give me a little leverage in the weighing of success in completion. On my part it's taking faith. I have to believe doors will open and they'll see my good works and determination. Beyond Helena, there's a 4.0 at Utah Valley University. Another 4.0 from Parkland College. There's two years study through The Institute of Children's Literature, and many workshops through Highlights. So I hope. I truly hope they'll let me in.

It does amaze me that choices made in youth can govern such an important outcome, in judgement, years later. After watching the first night of "So You Think You Can Dance." I feel like I'm trying out for "So You Think You Can Think" as I compete against another student for a seat in the University, and, after a life's performance... and a whole lot of paper work...

we now wait.

Back to School

My menu task value #2 for Knowledge is going to be done in no time. That being the last part, I'm starting my Knowledge project. A Personal Progress Project has to include at least ten hours, and, there is a project for each value.

I've chosen bullet #2, and not to make a project of my own.

Prepare for higher education and obtaining marketable skills. Learn about college requirements, scholarships, and tuition and other expenses. Apply for entrance when appropriate.

College has forever been my dream. There was no one to guide me that way years ago, and I knew nothing of grants only costs, so I didn't ask my parents knowing they didn't have a money tree. I think, too, because fresh out of high school, I had no direction or course, the topic closed forever, at least until I could get myself there. I feared I might not be good enough back then.

I am not that girl. The timid creature is long gone when it comes to trying the new. My mentors taught me the secret to success. Act as if you already are, and then you become. It works in most scenarios. My husband has been my greatest fan, my encouragement as he pushes me to stretch, and my greatest friend who not only guides, but validates, and gets me through the rough.

I'm definitely what you'd call a late bloomer when it comes to higher education. But the nice thing about that is. I now know my passion, and I have the time to learn more about it, more time to grow in learning, and time to enjoy that journey, as I become a better writer, and learn to greater give to society.

Why bother going to college when you're mid life? I want to reinvent myself. I think I could become a very good editor, and an English degree would serve me in my writing/ teaching life. I also love learning about all kinds of things.

I have the perfect window with married BYUites, now finding their way, and I have a tuition fee free four years before Jennifer goes to a university. Now, is the perfect time to be serious about my own education.

I'm applying to George Fox University.

Reflections

So far so good on the menu. Last night was tostacos.

For this morning's Personal Progress study, I chose Choice and Accountability #3. Record in your journal your understanding of agency, consequences of choices and actions.

Sunday was fun. I was able to attend the talk of a returned lady missionary, who I'd known for years as she grew up. It's amazing that transformation that takes place on a mission. Cheryl came home confident, strong, full of faith, and just beyond elegant. I so loved listening to her share her experiences.

After exchanging welcome back hugs with this sweet returned sister, a big hug came from Amanda, who I simply adore. She reminded me that she and Morgan were graduating next year. Really? Wow, okay that one feels strange to think about. But I do think about all these girls I know and love, and their bright futures, I'm so proud of them as I remember the card my mother gave to me upon my own high school graduation. It had a girl in cap and gown that looked a lot like me, staring back at the tall edifice--which must have been the university tower. The sun shone bright falling upon that place. My wise mother wrote on the card, this represents the temple, and that is your next goal.

It is hard in the teen years to recognize the value and importance of agency, those everyday choices we make. But these are important years that the lead us to or from your heart's desire. For example, if we work hard in school--while all doors are open to opportunities and college of choice in the beginning, they remain open. If we become careless in study and invisible in involvement, and end up with a low GPA, certain colleges start closing their doors. If we chance to get into college, and that habit of heart continues, we can lose our place of education to one who wants it more. Sometimes a detour can take awhile to return again to the previous roadway.

It's the same with standards. If we loosely follow modesty issues, and are careless in dating guidelines--we can find ourselves in situations with grievous consequence. And while the choice to follow the Word of Wisdom keeps us energetic and well, keeping the body which houses the spirit clean, and the mind able to operate the way it is meant to; choosing alcohol, smoking, and drugs can impair judgement and make us ill. Abused enough, it can harm one for the remainder of life and even eliminate us.

Some choices are black and white simple. Others seem gray. We need to be careful not to justify the gray when we know it is not right. Choices for good or bad all have consequences. My son once said, true integrity is choosing right, even when no one is looking. The more good choices we make, the freer we are. Bad choices only lead us to bondage. Substance dependence, a web of tangled lies, burdens of shame and guilt, and distances us from inspiration. We will all be accountable for the way we use our agency.

For me those kinds of choices were made long ago and I am resolute, but I still have to be careful using my agency. I knew that if I made serious choices when I was young, that when I was faced with that peer pressure, it would be easy. But everyday choices still come, and they have consequences. Choices in example, health and nutrition, choices in what I choose to let into my mind in entertainment. Choices in friends and atmospheres I will permit myself to experience, even in how I will use my time, mind, and energies.

The sweet thing is we can also repent and be made clean through the atonement when we make mistakes. And we will, as we learn and grow in that process, man is prone to make mistakes. And as we choose to rise above our mistakes, we learn to become better and better and our best selves.

I have a huge eraser I found at Michaels that reads, for the BIG mistakes. We all make them. And isn't that nice to know? The only thing that can bind our agency, is our own bad choices.

Our good choices is what lets us grow and become all we will one day be, and endows us with the gifts we came here to receive.

A Blue Print of Sorts

I planned the menu, shopped by the menu, and have three weeks to work on my latest goal. (I can tell it's going to take me that long to master Knowledge #2) This one is a definite spiral, as I've already jinxed it. Jenn wanted to make chicken pasta pesto, as was on the menu. But the chicken was still frozen and because I didn't have virgin olive oil, but blood orange olive oil--we substituted. Don't try this at home. Blood orange and fresh basil, combined, is really nasty. I mean grossology nasty. So I dumped it, and tossed in tonight's pizza last night instead. :) Some substitutions just don't work.

While I continue to learn loathsome menuing, and try to see it as lovely planning, I'm taking on Individual Worth #4. I love the scripture that accompanies this one.

"Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a ^bhouse, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God."

House of God means a more heavenly home, and state of being--peaceful, organized, a place where everyone wants to be. Home can be a heaven on earth. And where a person is filled with peace, there is no room for contention.

Peace requires preparation.

A talk in church feels more in control when you prepare before that eve.

School tests are easily passed when prepared books and notes are studied for memorization in time ahead.

Likewise, Life is easier when we plan what we will/ will not do (peer pressures), preparing to oppose, or embrace, any opportunity when it's time.

For this value I'm asked to make a list of my hopes and dreams for home, family, education, what I'd like to accomplish in my life, and share that plan.

As a youth I knew exactly what I wanted, and what I wanted to give my future children.

Now with married children, and one that will grow and go faster than I'd like to think about... I have to ask what are my hopes and dreams for the future now? Mid life-- what do I want to accomplish? Some might think that once a family is raised we're left with enduring to the end. I don't believe that. God wants a powerful people. That means there is always something to do.

In my family, I plan to, with my husband, help Jenn grow, guide her, and support her that her feet, too, might be independent, and, leaving home, set on that correct path. I want to enjoy my family and be a wonderful grandmother, as my grandmothers were to me.

I know there's more to learn. I plan to go back to school and work toward an English degree, to fill in the holes of my education so I can be a stronger writer, and maybe even step into an editor role. (If there's no such thing as too old or too late. Editors tend to be quite young.) Even so--working toward that will season my writing, and seal my passion.

I also plan to serve a mission with my husband someday. We've seen many friend couples go, and serve in those same areas where the husband earlier served his mission. That's been cool to see. David went to Taiwan, so I may be learning some prep Mandarin. That would serve me in school visits too. This is a goal we both have. I always thought it would be fun to be the Mom of all those missionaries. I told David if he ever became a mission president, I wouldn't mind a bit!

How do I plan to accomplish it? Well, my family goals are priority right now. In the fall, I plan to start taking some classes at PCC Newberg, and the couple's mission will come in time. Right now I'm raising a daughter. That's a project all in itself! :)

Good Eating

My first travel school visit went well. The equipment worked great. Ali Nice, the principal (and yes she really is nice) hosted me, and it was a wonderful time. I was really surprised but impressed with how people shared with me their personal situations and faith in better things to come. It's no secret that in today's world much is being taken from the children. Office people and the librarian are losing positions with more cuts coming. But oh, my gosh a lady from the office is beyond talented with illustration and she came to talk to me for a long while asking, "Can I really have my dream?" Oh, yes! She is astounding, beyond astounding and I can't believe that kind of talent isn't being used. She's been educated in that skill, and she is amazing, so I'm getting her in contact with connections in hopes she can work toward her passion.

There was such an openness with good people everywhere. One of the things I like best about what I do, is I get to meet super great people I otherwise would not know. My bouquet of friends is ever growing and I LOVE it. People associated with children are just good hearted people, and I love how they openly share with me their faith and natural trust in the Lord. --We're all one family on this little earth each trying to do the best we can and that makes life beautiful.

Okay, my last experience in knowledge, before my Knowledge Project, for me, is really going to try me. Knowledge value #2. Second part. "Learn a new skill or talent that will help you care for your family." For awhile now, I've felt pressed to get myself in better order. I'm pretty organized anyway, but where meals are concerned I am not. I used to be. Now I know why. The responsibilities of my husband has grown, and he needs an organized household to do what he's been called to do in all the areas of his life. I can better support him by getting better organized. My biggest weakness has become probably his biggest need.

When Danny and Katie were home all through high school, dinner was on the table when Dad came home at 6:30. I LOVED cooking, playing with recipes and the new. I had a weekly baking day where I made bread, and calzones, hot pockets, pizza, cinnamon rolls. I loved trying new desserts, cooked all kinds of dishes, and especially enjoyed "plating" making dishes attractive. But through the latter years, my love of cooking has become sullen, and my joy of family dinners has lost it's flavor. Dan went on his mission, Katie to college, and with busy schedules we ate out more. I really missed my grown munchkins and disliked so many empty chairs. I'd look at that big table, and just the two of us, J and I ,and ask,"What sounds good to you tonight? Then we'd go out to find it just to get that time behind us. When Dad was home, I'd cook, but eating was accompanied by Seinfeld. I avoided the Dining room. Living in Tigard, that was a lot easier than where I live now when it's just Jen and I.

I've felt that I need to get organized to the point of planning and shopping with a menu, but ugh-- couldn't bring myself to do that even though I know it is the right thing to do, and the best thing for the family overall. I don't like a menu telling me what to do when. I think that's the only true "I don't wanna" rebel in me, and yet, I can't figure out why that is so darn hard. What my hangup here is, when I once loved it so so much.

However, seeing Julia Child's kitchen reminded me of that love for creation, her kitchen was plain, and a family kitchen. Her cooking show was because she wanted to turn the kitchen into the place where the family gathers. That was just the inspiration I needed, and now that travel is done for a time, I can try again to recapture that joy, by learning a new and better way to cook since we are far from everything and lets face it unused food spoils.

So... this is going to be what I'm going to learn. I'm going to grit my teeth, sigh, and make that menu. Clean out the fridge and pantry and shop by that menu (okay with extra ice cream) for the week. Then continue for three weeks.

We'll see how it goes! Bon app'etit!

Ready, Set, Grow!

Last night was fun. Jennifer was good natured humoring me for Family Home Evening. I learned she didn't even know More Holiness Give Me, but she did sing "I Know that My Redeemer Lives." And conducting went fine. I gave my little lesson on Charity, and learning a neighbor we met was running in city election, we made and took her a Candy Gram, (Card made with candy bars to substitute for words) wishing Peggy Halley luck with victory.

So I'm moving along mentioning another value experience I've been working on since it's here. These experiences are made; created to grow and stretch us as we act upon the goals and face our challenges, often, even our weaknesses. For girls, I found that many of the things they do going out for dance or lacrosse, preparing a speech, being a player of a theatre production, teaching a Family Home Evening lesson... all these things qualify.

In the trek our ward's girls are now preparing for, where they will go to the plains and do a re-creation of pioneer experience in full pioneer dress, pushing and pulling handcarts, and sleeping outside, walking for days, and possibly while carrying watermelon babies that are buried if they are dropped or break,--they learn organization and preparation, sewing, and are physically challenged in this persevering journey. This can be counted as well, but the trick is to plan, and count it, and then do, and pass it off as you yourself have grown in the process of setting and reaching goals. You can't go back and count what you've done, if it wasn't a planned goal--because it's already been done, and that's not progressing from where you are, is it?

So, I'm doing something I've not done, but that is still in line with my talents for Individual growth. Many of my mentor writing friends travel for school visit. They travel a lot and often back to back, with a day here or there to rest. I've always, because I have children still at home, kept to day trips. I'd visit a local school, present and come home to sleep in my own bed. But not this time. I've also done class and grouped classes, but not an auditorium type visit with the full school families. This time I am. I'm still not going to travel a lot as I feel I need to be home for my daughter this season of her growing, but someday I hope to travel a bit more, and I look forward to this first away two day school experience to learn what that's like.

For Individual Worth #8 I'm expanding my teaching abilities in traveling for two days, and will add to my school program a presentation, speaking before eighty families. It got a little scary last night when I realized I'd not thought everything out to cover home. Still exhausted from the quick turn around East Coast trip. But faith plays a big part in using our talents and when I prayed for guidance in my moment of panic, I was led to just who to call to fill what I'd overlooked---and then felt to just go to bed, and I would be fresh and better able to prepare in the morning. I followed those feelings and all is covered through friends and this morning I am energized and excited to grow these abilities being hosted by the principal, and learning my old bishop, and dear friend's son is coming as he is Prinicpal of the nearby middle school. HIS childhood dog Aggie, was my inspiration for the Aggie stories children love, and I've prepared a book release party where I'll unveil AGGIE GETS LOST coming in July for this special family presentation.

Personal progress isn't about doing such large things. It's about growing yourself, the very best way you can. with the gifts the Lord has given you. Working in your own capacity and Stretching the boundaries we make for ourselves so we can better serve our Father in Heaven, or neighbors, and our communities. The shaking stops when we see the purpose behind that which we do, and His guiding hand in all things.

Dear C.S. Lewis

I just completed, CS Lewis', The Screwtape Letters for Choice and Accountability #8.

This was a personalized value experience, and when I learned what the work was---I felt it fit the choice and accountability theme. CS Lewis is one who President Monson quotes again and again, and I love his words.

Uncle Screwtape in this work is a pro Devil. His nephew, Wormwood, is a young new tempter, who was given his first patient to tempt, a young adult human, male. Wormwood is to tempt his patient and secure his soul for feeding hell. (Devils feed on human anguish.)

This human character is representative of all human kind, and therefore has no name. The work brings to view the subtle ways the adversary works to bring a man (or woman) down. For example, being a habitual church goer but while there, judging shoes, clothing bags, word preached, ignoring some, while embracing others, or getting puffed up at being a good church goer, and other goodly doings.

Later, Wormwood works on attitudes toward parents, leaders, neighbors, dwelling in the past, preying on human tendencies of thinking one isn't good enough, and that message that laziness, mediocrity, commonplace existence is enough. Screwtape shows us how insecurity takes away faith, and how the devil causes one to except prayer, quick, just an act, but far in purpose and or heart. To accept the shell of religion but not the soul of it. Virtues become vice. And human agency decides fate.

Step by step, day by day, the young apprentice tempter works ever guided by his master uncles letters of encouragement, explanation, and advice, and the end---the ending held great surprise. All along CS Lewis's masterful work shows us the good and evil of things, we see the patient flounder and get caught up in his world of choices---toward the end Screwtape's letters are less happy because the human is discovering what really makes him happy, not shallow flighty short lived pleasures, but real joy---more and more Wormwood is losing and battling for the soul, as man discovers his divine nature, and then--it happens, at war (WWII) the man falls. He dies--and for the first time when the human actually sees Wormwood, Wormwood sees the others. Just as Wormwood worked his vile works trying to tempt this man--so other spirit beings appear beside the man. The man sees them and knows it was them all the time, and heaven claims his soul.

Then Screwtape's clear venomous strike comes against his own nephew and we see clearly that nature of hell, and no devotion at all. Indeed, a telling work inside hell's lair and lure.

I find CS Lewis to be genius, and well versed as Devils worked ever so determined--without the patient ever suspecting or seeing him--the tiniest things showed our valnerabilities and weaknesses using the nature of the natural man.

This work brought evident to my mind, that all day, everyday, we make choices-- I'm now pondering the readings--realizing that every second we make a choice, and of the great power of agency that line upon line can add to us, or take away. And the fact that it's important not to be asleep in brain, but aware and in control of our own thoughts and attitudes.

I saw how virtues could so easily become vice. In a word, genious. CS Lewis is one man I wish I could talk with for hours.

Flying High on Knowledge

In our east coast adventures, I’ve been focusing of Knowledge. I think Monday night for family home evening I’ll be able to wrap up numbers four and six.

Knowledge experience #6 had me secretly giggling. I’m high in the air—going over and over two of my favorite hymns trying to memorize them correctly. More Holiness Give me, and I Know that My Redeemer Lives. I love More Holiness Give Me, because it places my weaknesses face forward for me to look upon and think about. I Know that My Redeemer Lives is a given.

Then, once I thought I had the words down, (the i pad is awesome for that) I went over the melody and listening to the rhythm in my head, figured that the meter for more holiness Give me is ¾ but I think it could be 6/8. It will be fun to see if I’m right once home. I think I know that my redeemer lives is 4/4, that one feels a tad trickier as its sung slower. Again, it will be fun to see.

When I lived in Hawaii as a youth, I had a really neat opportunity. During Sunday school, a selected number of us teens got to enter an alternate Sunday School class for a few weeks. We learned to lead music. It was the coolest thing in the world to me and I LOVED learning to conduct. That little class gave me a skill to have always, and I remember after they sang Aloha Oe to us in our moving, that teacher presented me with a gift. An expandable conducting wand. She said she could tell how much I enjoyed her class and told me not to be afraid and to take advantage of every opportunity to conduct music so I’d grow in it..

I’m still not all that great at it, but since those early years I have had opportunities from time to time to practice, though my hand shakes at times, questioning if anyone can tell I’m off or not ending right, if my hand is stiff and too close to my body or more like an over enthusiastic flying out of control spring.

Here on the plane I was listening to the music in my head, and yes, conducting those hymns. Due to storms two days ago, our flight was more than messed up so we were stranded without luggage in Dallas for two days. The good side of that is we’re in cushy chairs eating breakfast with real silverware, fancy mini goblets, hot towels and people asking, “Can I get you anything else to drink? Who knows who else is sitting in first class, as I quietly try to figure out the time meter for these hymns conducting, I like thinking someone seeing my quiet progress is thinking, “oooh, I wonder who that is? A symphony conductor?” If they only knew I hear not just music, but voices inside my head as well (characters) they might instead think I’m a bit crazy. And here’s the fun part, I am. I like having fun and am not afraid to step outside the box.

For number four, Select a gospel principle you would like to understand better, I’ve chosen Charity. I chose Charity because Charity is different that mere love. It is pure love, in fact, it is having the pure love of Christ. I want to understand deeper that meaning. I think that though I have been reading talks about charity from latter-day leaders, and scriptures listed from the Topical Guide under charity, that really the only way to truly understand charity is to act upon it.

While no longer there, I am still on my Tigard Ward contact list. It’s neat that I can be still close to these wonderful friends. One sister in her business met a homeless couple. This couple was left destitute and came in to the sister. She learned of their very real needs. She jumped on our Tigard Gots and Wants email and let everyone know serious help was needed. A kind bishop offered them needed plane tickets back to the east coast near their family in trade for hours worked at the bishops storehouse or Deseret Industries. Upon completing the hours the tickets would be delivered. Sisters and brothers examined what they might give for clothes and shoes. Food was delivered for them and for their dog. That’s charity. I love that when a need is listed everyone comes forward, for members and friends of the church alike. It has been the same way in my new ward. A need is heard and people rise to the call. Such opportunities come, and they come again and again.

Stranded in Dallas friends asked me, “ is there anything I can do to help you with anything here at home?” Dan’s best friend from boyhood, my adopted son, stayed and watched our home, and pets. Another friend helped with Jenn’s chickens. I came home to loveliness and messages from caring friends. And I’m excited to be home and now do my part for another. What is charity? It is seeing someone as the Lord sees them, without judgment or denial. Charity is service to fellowmen with genuine love, without a feeling of self sacrifice or self righteousness. Charity is keeping the commandment of the Lord, “As I have loved you, love ye one another.”

Truly acquiring charity requires that we leave the natural man, those human tendencies of quick judgments, begrudging, and selfishness behind. It’s true that first impressions count, but it is also true that they are ours to make and the messages to our minds regarding others are at our discretion; As is the attitude in which we serve.

Time, Place, and Change

I'm sitting here tonight, in Gettysburg, after experiencing a week and a half of history, and after experiencing a neat little piece of history in my own life. There's so many thoughts, that I don't know where to begin.

I went to Jamestown, the first permanent English Settlement. Where battles with indians, cholera, Malaria, Tuberculosis, weather elements took most of the original settlers. I went to Williamsburg, and saw where the Declaration of Independence was signed by great men committing treason for freedom. I went to Gettysburg, where bloody battles took lives in waves that no man should be in bondage and all made free. I went to the Lincoln Memorial, where Dr. King made his famous speech upon that famous march with his freedom fighters ending segregation forever and giving citizen rights to all. I saw man dream of flight at the Smithsonian and battle unbelievers, and then fly to the moon. I am amazed at the change, from the formation of a nation to the present. What an amazing country. What bravery and passion.

As the country has faced change, and great change, and has grown to become strong in the pursuit of happiness, I look at my little life and ask if I might make a change. I'm pondering what I might accomplish.

I think if, in my youth, I had known what I know now: That I could have gone to college. That I am more than passionate when it comes to learning. That I love writing as much as anything in my life. That there's a reason I come alive reading a story and thrive in new experiences and exploration and adventure... I would have fought for college. I just didn't know. When I was young, I wasn't strong enough to do, and try, and be. Just like Julia Child, my life started in this way, as an adult. I discovered me much later than most, and I'm still discovering.

So I'm taking my personal progress a step further, examining what I really might be interested in. Knowledge #5. Learn about an area that interests you. I'm asking an editor friend to share with me what I need to do to become an editor. Right now, it's just homework. But I just might reinvent myself, and the thought excites me. If I take classes, I know I can learn to improve my writing--but a writer also needs to be a good editor. I believe they go hand in hand. I'll see what she shares with me and we'll see how it goes.

Meanwhile, I am still agog taking in all I've seen, all I've experienced, including receiving the Blue Crab Young Readers Award for Good Dog, Aggie. I learned it was a close contender for the Geisel award as well, meeting a woman who served on that committee. That truly shocked me. While, there, I lost my YW Medallion. But it just makes me determined to earn it back. I'm not sad at all about that. It means I have to work, and I have a greater reason to work. I'm excited to see this through.

Learning, a journey, not a destination

I love Personal Progress. I love it because it keeps me growing. As long as I'm doing some kind of work or service in my life--I don't feel stagnate, like I've settled, arrived. I like growing because let's face it, life is living. To merely exist for me--would regress, and perhaps even depress me. As long as life goes on, so also will my learning. The desire to learn is never snuffed out. With breath, comes greater breadth in desire for knowledge and accomplishment.

My father in law once called me a seeker. I'm never done learning, never satisfied. The more I learn, the more I want to learn. I'm like a sponge that wants to soak it all in, especially truth, reason, and writing. I like to think. I love to create.

Here in the mecca of our countries origin, I'm really feeling that learning hunger pang, so for Personal Progress, I'm focusing on knowledge. Value experiences 1 and 2. Two is going to take a little time, but I can start it here, following the layout. List talents I have or would like to develop. Okay, we have to be honest here so my talents, (feel free to chime in) I've come to LOVE public speaking. I'm fairly organized (except when it comes to my writing space) I love anything churchy-- that's just me. Cooking and following a recipe I'm pretty good at, I'm a good Mom/ Wife. I'm incredibly patient (don't pray for that--or you might get multiple surgical opportunities.) ;) I'm a good writer. I think I'm friendly--you'd have to ask my friends. :^) I'm a good housekeeper. I learn well especially hands on.

Talents I'd like to develop. I'd like to learn to speak without notes, and I'd like to become magnificent at that. I'd like to become a "great writer" one who could successfully write anything that calls to her; Novels. I'd also really like to learn to have an eye catching garden. Doesn't have to be large, but lovely to the eye and thriving and yummy. Long term, I'd like someday to go back to college, to use the brain I've been given in the capacity I've been given to continue to grow in whatever ways I feel directed from within and above. I want to continue to explore who Lori is and what talents lie inside, and I want to use them and grow them for good purpose. I want to keep writing and become the very best writer I can be. I want to serve the children of the world through the stories I create, that's heaven. And I want to learn how to be a good Grandma.

To my way of thinking, as long as a man/ woman is learning, he/ she is developing. I'm not dead, so the Lord isn't done with me yet. The more I learn, the more I learn there's more to learn, ways to grow, ways to go. Just what is the limit for learning? Learning is as infinite as the vast space beyond our little planet. We are but a tiny thing in another dimension of possibility. What's beyond where man has already explored "more." Unreachable? Only as man believes.

It's All Good

Knowing we were coming to Washington DC, I chose to work on Knowledge #3.

I've had article of faith 13 memorized since I passed it off as a Merrie Miss for primary graduation, so that part was easy. I just love the words.

The next part is visiting a museum or exhibit-- The Smithsonian was an enriching experience.

Walking through the amazing places we've been is like living history. The National Space and Air museum lets us experience the invention of flight and the glory of space exploration. Accomplishing something untouchable at one time. The World History Museum let us explore what the world was like from it's beginning, and ponder science and various theories of origination. American History Museum--did you know Booth's plan to kill President Abraham Lincoln was actually a larger conspiracy to murder many union officials? The would be involved were caught, and many executed, before other officials were harmed. I learned so much about so many things. Eye opening. Freedom is not free. I was amazed to see the war of my lifetime added in seeing the pictures of the twin towers ablaze and artifacts of aftermath both from the site, and a plane that fell here in DC where good men and women thwarted plans for another destructive fate n the pentagon, sacrificing their lives by choice in fighting the enemy mid air, rather than letting it happen.

The Lincoln Memorial is a site of many new starts for acceptance. Lincoln sits tall letting us look up into Honest Abe's tired but hopeful face standing for change. What he did for the country was amazing--though it took years for the nation to truly see the amazing meaning in his presidency after death. He brought together unity of a country. Freedom of man. Humanity for all. It was one of my favorite places as a child, and I found those same feelings return as an adult looking up at that great man, larger than life. Born in a cabin, he rose out of obscurity to become one of the greatest men of all time. Just an awe inspiring place.

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, and in doing good to all men...

While I realize not all of us will do monument like things, our lives are still great, wrought with little opportunities to do great good. And when we do good, we're living large. No matter who we are, or where we come from, individual greatness is all around, even in doing good in the smallest of circumstances.

"If there is anything virtuous, lovely, of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things."