Uh Oh, It's Ophelia!

An interesting thing happened on the way home from the DMV today. It's sounds like the hook for an upcoming joke, but what I experienced wasn't funny, and it gave me something to ponder.

Somewhere along the road, I ended up following a vehicle licensed, "Ophelia." I followed Ophelia for an excruciatingly long time. The vehicle was driven by a man. When the road ran with double no passing lines, the car went beyond slow, and when it broke into passing lines it sped up fast and short until it came again to double lines and slowed to just below 20 on straight roads with posted 45 speeds.

At first I was frustrated that I could not progress beyond this person who was getting a thrill of holding me back. The joy was obvious in the tortoise and hare race, both characters played by the front driver dependent upon the markings of the road. As I marveled at the selfish behavior of the man behind the wheel, thoughts filled my head.

This person is not unlike the people, elements, and worldly barriers that keep us from progressing. As children and youth, we are dependent upon others to help us in the discovery and encouragement of the wonderful strengths we posses. Some Ophelia's, in our individual lives, might be so uncomfortable within their own selves and choices, they thoughtlessly press to stunt us from progressing beyond where they are to save themselves from the guilt or sorrow of their own choices or situation. Some Ophelias might be insecure beings and try to keep us only unto them, as with a manipulating boyfriend or peer. Ophelias can also be self doubt, our own fear of success. We are blessed to have mentors in parents, teachers, and leaders that love us enough to help us to become visible to the many gifts that were given to us from above, and to provide those growth avenues to grow these gifts, ability, exploration, and learning.

When the driver finally pulled off, he continued at a rapid pace having finished his game. No one held me back. I suddenly had the agency I needed to move forward, feeling like I was at last progressing toward home. The open road felt wonderful with my mind opened wide to all that I could see ahead. Vision was now clear without the larger vehicle blocking my view, where earlier, I could not see the direction I needed to go before me.

Unlike selfish barriers, the loving Lord shows us vast growing room. Opportunity is our surroundings all the way home. Our Father in Heaven wants us to progress to our highest and best ability. He, as the greatest of all parents and mentors, not only tells us what to do, but God shows us the way.

This brings me to my new Personal Progress Value. Choice and Accountability #1. "A daughter of God can make wise decisions. Read and follow a pattern of prayer and scripture study to receive help in making good personal decisions."

Choices have two sides, always. Avoiding being blindsided by the adversary, the road is wide with opportunity and assistance at every which way for good and growing outcomes. God's promises are sure, as is His guiding hand.

More or less, Less is More

I'm not sure who came up with the idea that to balance is to simplify, but after this week I know that core truth is sheer wisdom.

As all these projects in personal progress come to be, all these changes I've set up for myself, my stomach starts in, and day by day it turns more sour. I just couldn't figure out why. Then I became restless in my sleep, so I began to question. Is there something I'm missing, maybe something I'm afraid of but in unawares? I took this to the Lord in prayer and then laid in my bed at night, sorting my thoughts, and compartmentalizing what that might be. My new calling? no. Going back to school? no. Losing my writing? no. Falling short in home and family? no. Other church duties? no. My writer opportunities? no. But when I put it all together--yes.

I knew instantly I'd been biting on too much at once--as with a mouthful of heavy meat that would cause one to choke if swallowed.

Teaching early morning seminary + time for proper preparation to be a successful teacher+ returning to college full time+ 2 hrs study to every hour in class to be that successful student+ home upkeep and family attentions and J's own schooling and being present when Dave is out of town to be a successful wife and mother+ J's now more serious evening ballroom dance classes/ performances + mutual to be a successful support for my daughter+ visiting/ home teaching to be a successful friend +putting in daily writing time and getting myself and books out there to be a successful writer= a feeling I needed to seek out wisdom from Dad, and a knowledge it's not adding up right. Things were already slipping through the cracks.

I adore my Dad Ries. We sat down with my school schedule and he showed me that without anything else my classes equalled a 40 hr. work week alone. He showed me going back to school for me at this stage, is now more about enlightenment than a needed degree for a sustaining career. Beloved Mom Ries showed me how much work I've yet to do just here at home, within my own family and how I needed to guard that time for Jenn. In their wisdom, I cut classes back to where I can ease into education and maintain that happy balance. It was good.

Today in seminary inservice, we played with scripture mastery ideas. Back in the day we called it "Scripture Chase." We didn't have to memorize the scriptures, but locate them and understand them. From the day I learned the key words, "line upon line," I internalized them. That same scripture chase message serves me now as it did then. "...giving line upon line, precept by precept here a little and there a little..."

We learn line upon line in this life, unexpected to do it all, unexpected to be it all, unexpected to have limitless expectation all at once. I don't think I'm ever going to be an editor. I don't even know that I'll teach writing in a community college setting. I do know that I'm going to teach teens about some of the most plain and precious truths available to man. I've no idea what is planned for me after that, if I'll ever have a degree. I may have missed that boat altogether now, time will tell...--but my favorite scripture is in this year's scripture mastery.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy path."

That's good enough for me.

My individual worth project, to prepare for seminary teaching, my knowledge project, to investigate, make preparations, and enroll in college, and my divine nature value #8, to host a foreign exchange student are now complete. (Though the latter was more like welcoming an unknown family member.) We truly learned to love and adore Clara, who came to us from France.

The lesson I've learned here is--goals don't always turn out as we foresee. There's lessons learned in the process. Sometimes we have to fail and learn to fail better, and the lesson there is that it's okay.

Ready, Set, Rise!

They say it takes three weeks to make a habit. This morning I began my climb to a 4:30 am rise and shine time. The alarm was set for 6 am, and I resisted, but rose shortly after. Summer sleepins are past.

I woke with that well known, "this is not going to be fun" smirk accompanied by annoying sleepy seeds, and to keep myself up, left my bedroom.

A load of blankets was tossed in the washer, and with cocoa in hand, got out my scriptures and my seminary manual. What I didn't expect, and had forgotten, is how lovely the sky looks at 6 am--with the fading brush strokes of a water color sunrise. Before the hot sun, there's also critter activity and I watched and listened as birds called out good morning to one another while pecking in the grass for long juicy worms.

As I studied, I also felt fed as an early bird. So many thoughts came to mind. As much as I'd read my scriptures, I didn't realize I wasn't fully utilizing them or the teaching tools inside. For example, did you know the triple combination has an index for multiple mentions? There are four individuals named Aaron, and each is listed and described to be distinguished in that index. Along with the place called Aaron. I never knew. I'd never thought much about the additional tools designed for deeper understanding. I'd used the JST sometimes, and the topical guide to search out talks, but I realized I am about to use my scriptures like they'd never been used before, and learn like I'd never learned before. I'm about to be challenged as I've never been challenged before and humbled as I've never been humbled.

I thought I was ready when I was called to teach seminary. I thought this value project of training and preparation for Individual Worth was going to be easy and simple. I was feeling excited and fearless. Now that's changed.

After this morning's study, I realize I am nothing. Nothing without the Lord and His guidance. This is more than teaching youth the Old Testament. Seminary is about the building up of youth for life, and in more than one facet. This is instilling visibility as sons and daughter of deity, realization, confidence, testimony, courage, ability, purpose, goals, desire, and determination, rejoicing, repentance, wisdom, knowing. As the Lord showed that to my mind, I felt the weight of responsibility both beautiful and dense, and to be taken seriously. I now feel like a newly called missionary as at the MTC as I attend inservice meetings and try to learn what my role is and how to teach. The real mission starts just three weeks from tomorrow. I'm not the teacher. I'm the student. It's the spirit that teaches us all, I really witnessed that this morning. I'm excited to get to earn new level scriptural understanding.

Who's excited for seminary? For my graduated seminary friends, what is one of your favorite seminary memories?

Name Them One By One

I like listening to the music of Jenny Phillips. As I listen this morning, my heart is swelling filled with gratitude. It's interesting how each time I do Personal Progress the program aligns itself with where I am in life. Even the scriptures read give me varied perspectives and I see things differently.

I'm so grateful for this program that keeps me focused, moving, and ever growing.

I'm also grateful for the many individuals that bring great gifts to my life either in wisdom, example, or just friendship. My knowledge project completed, I've begun my Individual Worth Project which is to really prepare and learn to be a good seminary teacher and start the year strong. I've been going to Inservice meetings where I've been learning things about teaching I've never thought of before, and when I mentioned I was gutting my office, a graduated (adored) laurel voiced, "I want to help!" She came on her own, loving heart that she is, and used her organization talents to help me really gut the the room and all its inhabitants. We went through every file and inch of space. Every now and again she'd say, "This is the Rachael rule: If you haven't used it for a year, out it goes." And I followed her rules and we ousted lots. It was fun. But I'm still amazed. She came wanting nothing more than to help, and that sweet offer still moves me.

So my office is now ready with an empty drawer ready for seminary helps, lessons, ideas, tracked works/ doesn't works. It's also ready for PCC materials, and I am ready to get to work when that time comes.

Today I think about my Highlights Friends and their part in this as well. Since my first Chautauqua experience they have encouraged me, mentored me, and have given me opportunities to grow and give to others, and sometimes were bold about what I needed to do next where Kent would tell me things like, "Lori, you've got to stop thinking of your writing as a hobby or something fun, and treat it as a career. It's time to do school visits." Oh, how I love Highlights, it's family, and all I've learned. I've come from a timid thing to being bold in my career path standing tall and firm, resolute to keep pressing forward to learn and develop what is in me to be and become so I can greater give and serve in all facets of my life. Tomorrow I'd be going to Chautauqua learning and enjoying the company of truly great friends. But I'm going to school, paying my own way instead, at least to start. I made up a word to describe what I'm feeling "sadhappy," but today when I received a response for an apology for not being able to sit at the side of the best presentations coach I know, to glean even more of his wisdom. Sweet Peter sent me a note.

Sadappy, indeed, Lori. But I’d say happysad.

Sure, I’ll miss seeing you and catching up face-to-face. But I think it’s wonderful that you’re heading back to school. You are brave. You are to be admired for never being satisfied and for wanting always to improve yourself. That’s why you’ve done so well. That’s why you’re going to do even better in the long run.

I hope so. I want to do better. What an amazing place in life to be. What amazing ventures lie ahead this year. I'm no longer sadappy or happysad. My heart is filled with joy as I go forward trying to utilize the gifts the Lord has so graciously given me. And my heart is filled with love for those showing me the way and encouraging me in my life's journey. Oh, girls, Personal progress is such a beautiful gift from your loving Father who knows you and all you can become. I hope you embrace it and don't just let it lie. Be true to the royal that is in you. Reach for the highest that is in you. You are great.

Detours and Decisions

My knowledge project didn't quite turn out quite the way I had supposed. I had figured with what I saw in the brochure, that once accepted, George Fox would be a given, but when I went in for a private tour, I witnessed sticker shock. $29,900 annual tuition. Wow. I couldn't justify that kind of debt at my age. So I had to look at options.

PCC has a great transfer program. At $79.00 per credit I can get my General ed classes out of the way, and pay for the classes myself--that's a really great feeling. I can pay my full year's tuition plus get 24 credits and cover books. It feels really good to get to go to school and cover it myself with money I earned. I think I'll appreciate my education so much more for that. I know I'll work hard to get all I can from this experience. The more I think about it, I don't know that becoming an editor is realistic. I live nowhere near NY where all the big houses are, and I rather like where we are. I think I might enjoy teaching, as much as I love teaching writing, and the editing knowledge will still come in handy for my own writing. Who knows, maybe I'll teach writing at PCC.

No matter what we do, it's always good to have a plan B, a secondary plan that also reaches that main goal. My goal is to further my experience and education as a presenter and writer. I have to admit I love the presenting as much as I do the writing. It gives balance as I am just not a solitary person. I like being social.

My education is also expanding a second way. I've just been called to teach seminary, and my heart is just soaring with excitement. It's going to be a neat thing to really delve into the Old Testament and what an honor to teach truth to teens. It's going to be a new and exciting school year filled with determined doitism, faith, and prayer as I learn to do and balance.

I'm more than thrilled that I get to teach our youth, and am excited to continue my, long sought out, education for personal long term growth and service opportunity. PCC, here I come!

What Will You Give Me?

Yesterday's visit to George Fox University became today's game of FARMER, FARMER, LET ME DOWN.

I don't know if you're familiar with this game as teeter-totters are rarely found on today's playgrounds, but in this familiar game of yesteryears, a child sat on either side of the teeter totter. One would shift on the seat, to bear their whole weight, raising the peer to the skies, and render them powerless to return to the ground. The hanging child would then state, "Farmer, Farmer, Let me down."

The captor would then ask, "What will you give me?" The child, still dangling in the air, would then start naming off trade, and when something is heard the captor likes, he/ she changes position and pushes off to transfer power and it is his/ her turn to give up a made up something for self benefit.

Not everything in life is easily obtained. Sometimes we have to make a choice, trading something we want, for something we want more.

In high school we trade the popularity of being part of the partying in crowd, for the peace of knowing we're in the right crowd. We trade social niceties of theatre tickets and new clothes for four wheels and a back seat for friends. We trade free time to hang out, for time cards in employment toward a higher education.

What will you give me? Yesterdays campus visit was eye opening in costs, and I'm faced with a decision as it is more than I'd thought to be fair and make up the difference in what I told my husband, and in what I learned. Have you ever heard the parable of the bicycle?

In a nutshell--a child tells her father "I want a bike." Dad says, "Then save all your pennies."

The determined girl is saving and dad sees how true she is and realizes by the time she has enough for that bike--she'll want a car.

So dad tells the girl to bring her piggy bank. They go to the store and she chooses a bike. She is sad when she sees the amount that rings up on the register. "I don't have enough," she says. To which Dad replies, "You give all you have, and I'll do the rest." That little girl dumps her bank while coins roll on the belt, and clerk counts all her pennies, dimes, and nickels. She proudly rides that bike all the way home, with Dad beaming behind.

This story is used to show how the atonement works, but, I see a new message in self reliance and planning that I think makes the blessing of any one thing, worked for, that much more beautiful.

Sacrifice in any form is an investment in good works, good hearts, and good transformation.

Sacrifice is not a price, but a gift to others or oneself.

My Knowledge project just taught me a valuable truth as I continue with Choice and Accountability #1 in making wise decisions.

I Am a Giddy George Fox Girl!

Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow!

I just got an amazing phone call, and suddenly I feel like the girl I was in high school, with a million questions, and a zillion thoughts. My brain is all a happy excited jumble, like a school girl walking by a crush that just smiled at her. I'm giddy, jazzed, wildly overjoyed.

My counselor just called me from George Fox. Tomorrow morning he's invited me to meet with him for a private tour of the school, and he wants to bring me to the English department to meet the teachers saying everyone thinks there's a lot I can bring to the university as well. That made me happy as I like being used. I love being put to work.

So, here we go. My Knowledge project is complete, though the experience is just beginning. I hope I don't blow up the table in chemistry or pass out in dissection. It's the English, the writing, sweet words of the ages that draws me in.

I just love Dad Ries. I just told him the news before posting. He told me to remember it's not about graduation, but about the "transformation and growth of the individual." I like that. It takes the fear factor right out of the equation, placing purpose over the piece of paper. So tomorrow starts my first experience at George Fox, and I go with a smile.

The Worth of a Soul

This past Sunday was sad celebration. A whole mix of feelings, both sad and beautiful. There were many truths that hit me like a confession ripped from the heart.

I looked at the newly released Presidency, and felt my heart break all over again knowing how much they must love these girls. I've yet to pass from that deep love for girls myself. I don't know if I ever will. It seems to be innate. I kept wiping tears the whole meeting through. Though the calling goes away, and it's another's turn to learn and grow and love these precious daughters of deity, I was glad to learn the love never goes away, and even better, nor does it have to. When Jenn and I had to dash off after Sacrament, my heart flooded for these sisters seeing them embraced. I wanted to hug them and share what I've learned. That those relationships remain. If they don't know that now, they will.

We dashed off to bid farewell to a wonderful new missionary. This elder was in my son's group of priest friends. His story is remarkable. Some months ago ago he wanted to meet up with a serving missionary who had a large effect on him. He asked if they could meet at lunch.

They met and enjoyed the short reunion when a call came to this senior missionary and our new missionary saw how his face changed. They left and went to a companion apartment where a missionary sat outside badly banged up. There had been a physical fight between companions. After talking with the bruised missionary, the man not yet a missionary, went in to find the second.

He was found next to a packed suitcase. This Elder was a twin. While his brother was having a successful mission, for this brother, life had been hard and he felt no self worth or value in the hand he'd been dealt which included divorced parents and serious struggle. He felt useless in his mission and wanted to quit.

"Elder, would you stay on your mission, if you knew you made a difference in just one life?"

The elder looked at this humble man that had simply listened, and said, "yes."

"Good. Because you have just made a difference in my life. You've been through all this, and still came on a mission, while I've been feeling sorry for myself and trying to figure out what I should do. All my friends have been on their missions, they're gone, most of them married. I know it's late, but because of you, I'm going on my mission. If you can go through all that, and still be here, then I can go, too." The elder and future elder shared tears, and the suitcase started to be unpacked. One missionary stayed, and another leaves for the MTC to make a difference in someone else's life. (I had a quite the wad of kleenex in my hand that Sunday.)

What is the value of a soul? One of the reason tears fell unrelentingly making me feel like a ninny Sunday, is because I do know the difference one person can make in the life of another. Sister Olsen, my own, YW advisor taught me my self worth, and to this day, I love her for that. When I was with Sister Olsen, the spirit was strong, and I felt "precious." Every week, I saw Sister's Olsen's white laced table cloth. I saw the picture she set out of the temple. I saw her husband Maynard, how he adored her, and I felt her love for him. I knew I was seeing Heavenly Father's promises fulfilled and knew that is what I wanted for me. And, because of the heightened spirit I felt at Young Women's, with sister Olsen's teachings then, I have God's promises fulfilled today. There's not a day that I take that for granted.

Sister Olsen taught me that long after YW you can touch girls lives. A simple genuine compliment can make a girl's heart soar, but Sister Olsen went beyond. She held my first baby. She shared my name with one of her own daughters, and we are still in touch. I still marvel as I watched her serve as a Mission President's wife. Take in exchange students. And love this gospel. I've been so blessed to have such examples.

On that note I'm off to the last value for Individual Worth before the project. Individual Worth #3. Do all you can to build others, watching for two weeks and acknowledging their good qualities. Write about how your own confidence grows when you build others. This will be pleasurable fun. You know what else is really cool about doing Personal Progress as a mom? I didn't know this, but in reading learned my own daughter can sign off my experiences. And she is. That's a pretty neat feeling going to Jenn for completion and sharing all of this with my own beautiful daughter.

On George Fox, I received a wonderful email. "I will be reviewing your application on Wednesday or Thursday, and giving you a call on that day.

"From that point (if you are indeed accepted) there are a couple of other pieces we will pull together so that on July 8th we can try and get you registered for classes."

"Does that sound good?"

Yes, very. It's D Week. Decision.

And now Onward and Upward.

Lessons From Alice

I've just completed Individual Worth #2. I'm not going to go into that much as our blessings are a personal thing. Likewise, is that experience of obtaining them, but I will say mine is my liahona and light in times of trial, my guide and my hold.

We learn a profound but simple truth from works like ALICE IN WONDERLAND where Alice comes to a place of multiple paths from which to choose. Alice asks the Cheshire Cat, "Which path shall I take?" And the cat responds giving a nugget of wisdom to the reader. "That depends on where you want to go. If you do not know where you want to go, it doesn't really matter which path you take."

It's amazing what happens when I write down a goal. That solidified statement becomes a pact between me and the action. My aunt years ago, as a young adult, taught me about goal setting and mind mapping--how to get line upon line to that creed of promise, starting at the core of desire; how to set my sights on an accomplishment and act upon it to make it happen. I was grateful for that first organizer she encouraged me to buy. She taught me to use it fully, teaching me organization and commitment.

How do you plan an entire life? You can't. Obviously the unseen will come into play, so we can't chart an entire life's course in all we'll go and do, but there are tools to help guide our righteous desires, and they can come about depending upon our faithfulness in doing what is right. We can chart things that matter most and work our way there through smaller stepping stone goals and determination.

Although I don't know what lies ahead for me at this stage of the game, I know my progression to grow both as an individual, and in spirit is key to our personal happiness. And I am excited for both what I've laid out ahead of me in my own goals and direction, and for whatever surprises the Lord has planned ahead in this journey called life. The sweetest thing is I know as I proceed, that I am far from alone, we can seek that guidance and direction always.

Because I do know where I want to go, the path I'm on feels good.

Sweet Somethings

As I was wrapping up Knowledge #2, I was reading through the Personal Progress Book to see what I wanted to do next, and I learned the menu goal I had been doing, was actually required for Good Works #2, so I placed the reached goal there and decided to take a new approach to deepen the meals at home goal. On my menu shopping, once I worked out the kinks, it worked great!

When my sweet Mom Ries comes, it means I get to learn to cook a bit differently. She and my Mom have both been recently diagnosed diabetic. Although my mother is the first I know of, for diabetes, on my side of the family, it is in Mom Ries's genetic makeup. Dad Ries once told me growing old isn't for the faint of heart. It's hard to see our parents begin to see body changes knowing these changes aren't easy. But I marvel as I watch how they relearn and conquer and it makes me proud of them. None of our parents simply accept or wallow in anything. They get tough and going against it to win over the opposition, and I love that about them. maybe that's where I get my resolute grit?

It does make me think though, about what I might change now to buy health later. To complete learning a skill for Knowledge #2, Mom Ries has been teaching me simple nutrition and about better cooking. For example, I thought cutting junk food sweets was cutting sugar, but white flour, white potatoes, regular pasta, white rice. All that pours fast sugar into the bloodstream. It's all bad carbs. Whole grain wheat flour, wheat pasta, red potatoes, and brown rice is better. I learned you can even buy brown rice partially cooked frozen in Costco. Mom says it's great so you can still time everything right and it's a good consistency. Corn syrup is the worst.

I've also been learning about sugar substitutes. Ideal is my favorite. It looks just like sugar, and bakes like sugar, but has to be ordered online. I've also been experimenting with splenda. Still, everything needs to be in moderation. It's been interesting learning from, shopping, and cooking with Mom. It is tricky, and she showed me that even though a label might read low sugar, you have to go inside the label to learn what kind of sugar it is, and what kind of flour is used as in crackers. I thought meals without sugar or whites would taste like chalk and be bland, but I've been surprised. Even my great aunt Beverly's own banana bread recipe was really good with flour I ground myself. Dad said the wheat gave it a real home grown earthy taste which he liked. Sugar Free chocolate cake was good, although I had to add milk to the frosting as it kept pulling the cake skin off as I frosted, but it turned out okay and the ugly mass covered. I might keep some of these changes for my own family, especially if it's better for us in the long run. I'm tempted to prick my own finger to see how my blood sugar is... as that's part of that life too, but not tempted enough.

On the George Fox project, everything is in and now we wait. My next goal will be Individual Worth #2. It's about reviewing our blessings. I think in preparing for Writing From the Heart, this is a good time to look upon the gifts the Lord has given me and to be reminded that I have it within me to help others progress and grow and to give to others what has been so graciously given to me in time and mentoring. One of my favorite weeks of summer is here.

Facing Integrity

Last night I learned: Weekly menus are only as good as you are in realizing a menu has become spent and keeping up with the next. I half panicked last night when asked to take a meal to a sister tonight, wondering what I had. In a pinch I can handle breakfast for dinner, grilled cheese and Campbell's, but you wouldn't exactly take PB&J and goldfish to a ward family. Nor would you serve them Bulgar Casserole and dried apple slices. Shopping close to a menu, I need to also plan for the unexpected.

The George Fox student center sits quiet this memorial weekend, and the week is going to feel loaded with company so tomorrow will be my food shop day. Sunday is a great day for Personal Progress and while Jenn works on her Civil Rights Project, I thought I'd take on another value, Integrity#2.

I am still so moved when I look back on an incident that happened with my son when he was in the 5th grade. Daniel had a friend that he frequently spent time with. They went to the same elementary school. With both parents working, this boy and a younger brother were at times left alone at home. Mom (that's me) had an important set of rules for kids regarding friends. I wanted to know where my kids were. Who they were with, and how long they planned to be gone. They never went to a friends' home if the parents were not home. To go to a friend's home, I had to meet the parents beforehand.

This friend called my son to come over, knowing this rule. He told Dan his parents were home so I drove him to his friends home. A cool kid never is accompanied by his mom to the door of a friend, so I respected his space, taking care of goodbyes in the car, and waited for him to enter before pulling away. Sons don't mind if moms come to the door to pick them up. That's different.

But when Dan got out of the car, he leaned back in. "Mom, will you wait? I have a feeling Brandon's parents aren't really home."

The maturity of my son's request surprised me. Sure enough, a disappointed Daniel returned. "Brandon lied, he thought it would be okay if you didn't know." Brandon did not know Daniel as well as he'd thought. I am still impressed by the boy he was, and the man he is today. True integrity is seen by the choices we make when no one else is watching. (If my youth friends are reading, did you realize what examples you are to your parents?)

For this value I'm asked to do a self assessment asking myself do I gossip, tell inappropriate jokes, use swearing and profanity, am I light minded about the sacred, always truthful, morally clean, honest, dependable, trustworthy in school work and activities? I'm to write what I can improve, and one new habit I want to develop.

I think, in these particular focused areas, I'm really strong. Gossip hurts. That's just a fact. Uncomfortable jokes make me uncomfortable, vulgar jokes make me uncomfortable, there's no humor in that for me. My husband screens questionable movies for me because he knows what makes me cringe. I don't know, to me there's so much of a range to vocabulary that profanity seems unnecessary and feels like low form vocabulary. I'm just not that interested.

Light minded about the sacred. Morally clean, no issues. Completely Truthful/ Honest. This is the one I have to think about. It's a many faceted loaded value. Half truths, or leads to belief, from either appearance or verbal misleadings is still dishonesty. Why? Because a person is led to believe in something that is not true.

Examples--Focus and balance in a day are not exact// Come on kids, Dad's coming home let's hurry and clean this house! (It looks like mom has worked all day by the time dad comes home.) Then comes that comment: Wow, you've sure been busy today!

Or: Mom has been working all day doing all sorts of good, and then comes that question: Did you work out today?--(you know he means weights but laundry stair laps and vacuuming arm rows count don't they?) I think I can work more on "being completely honest."

Okay, so things I can do, and one new habit. I'm going to give being completely truthful a shot and think about that more. I think that's going to hard. I'll bet in truth we skirt around pure truth more than we realize without intention.

"So...is he cute?"

"He's got an AWESOME sense of humor!"

"What do you think of my new haircut?"

"Do you like it?"

"yes..."

"It's cute!"

In general, I really am an honest person--but I think that as I focus here, I'm going to find levels of pure truth that I didn't see before. I'm curious to know if that's true. ;^)

Crazies and Cornbread

Keeping a Personal Progress Blog has been such a great way to keep me focused and on track. Menus are going well. It's fun to look back and see what I've done. It feels so good to see me making myself grow in so many various ways, as I stretch to try new things and even some quite ambitious things. In short, I'm having a blast.

When I logged on this morning to respond to email, I was surprised to learn I had an email from George Fox, with an account and password. The student services account lets me see what is happening with my application. I can see what is lacking, and the missing elements become checked off as they come in.

Today I asked three people who know me very well to send reference letters. I chose my editor at Charlesbridge, who I just think the world of, the wonderful man responsible for my involvement with Highlights and my career as a writer, and my wonderful bishop who moved to Alaska.

One of these friends shared their letter with me, and I was so moved. I am just so blessed to have such mentors and friends. Every now and again, I can't help but look about in awe. The warmth and support surrounding me from the start of my writing life all the way to present is just immeasurable. I feel so blessed and loved, and grateful to know such wonderful people. I hope to make them proud and somehow return all the good they continuously do for me.

A nervous excited feeling makes my heart race when I turn the computer on now. Emails like, "Do Not Respond" come up telling me a transcript has been sent, and my heart just flutters as my breath is caught in the wonder of something that is really happening. Something I've only been able to dream about for as long as I can remember.

And so on this day---with this nervous energy I took my husband's advice and played in the kitchen. Chili and Homeade Cornbread is cooked and waiting and Jenn's school isn't even out yet. My nervous energies are coming out all whack. But cornbread, or Johnny cake, as my Grandmother called it, is a favorite. It's never too early for cornbread. Just like it's never too late to apply ourselves to accomplish whatever we wish to do. I still can't believe I might actually get to go to college for real.

This is a good day.

On another note, I accomplished Good Works# 6 yesterday. But when it comes to service to others, well. Let's just say I'll keep that in my heart. The requirement is to give three hours of service outside my family, but I think that's an ongoing opportunity and joy.

Now to get back to checking off to dos. Having a place to divert nervous energy is good.

So You Think You Can Think

I've been multi tasking. Helping Jenn wrap up multiple school projects, Keeping up pace with home needs, and attacking university application prep has been my day's deeds.

Last night I couldn't sleep so I jumped on the George Fox Site and studied. My application window became null with a phone call to George Fox today. I was told there's still some room for students, but that Fall term was nearly full, and that I needed to hurry. Now is the deadline.

I was given the name of a counselor to call tomorrow. I'm to let him know my application is in and transcripts have been ordered. My application has been received and dated, because I jumped turning my afternoon into a race for completion. It's a long process to apply. A six page application, complete with full page essay. Then, I had to contact the schools of my education, including Helena High and Leilehua, of thirty years ago. It was so fun to hear the cute lady on the other end of the phone, "Leilehua High School..." I wonder how much that phone call to Hawaii will cost? That will be a curious find. But thirty years ago is a factor in the decision.

I find it interesting that what happened thirty years ago can effect opportunities for education thirty years later. I had no idea my teen life could have so much impact on my adult life. I see now how Personal progress values bleed together to make us who we are, and that new realization--the outcome of how values used, for good or ill, together through the ages, is lasting and important. Our ability to deal and function through adversity in teen years, is then also important. A GPA is a GPA and it holds merit, apparently forever. That could be good or bad.

Choice and accountability, have an impact on this decision as transcripts are reviewed. For me there are no ACT or SAT scores to consider, and, the marks of the shy and horribly insecure teen are nothing to brag about. Hopefully what I became, and what I've done with my life since those awkward years, will give me a little leverage in the weighing of success in completion. On my part it's taking faith. I have to believe doors will open and they'll see my good works and determination. Beyond Helena, there's a 4.0 at Utah Valley University. Another 4.0 from Parkland College. There's two years study through The Institute of Children's Literature, and many workshops through Highlights. So I hope. I truly hope they'll let me in.

It does amaze me that choices made in youth can govern such an important outcome, in judgement, years later. After watching the first night of "So You Think You Can Dance." I feel like I'm trying out for "So You Think You Can Think" as I compete against another student for a seat in the University, and, after a life's performance... and a whole lot of paper work...

we now wait.

Back to School

My menu task value #2 for Knowledge is going to be done in no time. That being the last part, I'm starting my Knowledge project. A Personal Progress Project has to include at least ten hours, and, there is a project for each value.

I've chosen bullet #2, and not to make a project of my own.

Prepare for higher education and obtaining marketable skills. Learn about college requirements, scholarships, and tuition and other expenses. Apply for entrance when appropriate.

College has forever been my dream. There was no one to guide me that way years ago, and I knew nothing of grants only costs, so I didn't ask my parents knowing they didn't have a money tree. I think, too, because fresh out of high school, I had no direction or course, the topic closed forever, at least until I could get myself there. I feared I might not be good enough back then.

I am not that girl. The timid creature is long gone when it comes to trying the new. My mentors taught me the secret to success. Act as if you already are, and then you become. It works in most scenarios. My husband has been my greatest fan, my encouragement as he pushes me to stretch, and my greatest friend who not only guides, but validates, and gets me through the rough.

I'm definitely what you'd call a late bloomer when it comes to higher education. But the nice thing about that is. I now know my passion, and I have the time to learn more about it, more time to grow in learning, and time to enjoy that journey, as I become a better writer, and learn to greater give to society.

Why bother going to college when you're mid life? I want to reinvent myself. I think I could become a very good editor, and an English degree would serve me in my writing/ teaching life. I also love learning about all kinds of things.

I have the perfect window with married BYUites, now finding their way, and I have a tuition fee free four years before Jennifer goes to a university. Now, is the perfect time to be serious about my own education.

I'm applying to George Fox University.

Reflections

So far so good on the menu. Last night was tostacos.

For this morning's Personal Progress study, I chose Choice and Accountability #3. Record in your journal your understanding of agency, consequences of choices and actions.

Sunday was fun. I was able to attend the talk of a returned lady missionary, who I'd known for years as she grew up. It's amazing that transformation that takes place on a mission. Cheryl came home confident, strong, full of faith, and just beyond elegant. I so loved listening to her share her experiences.

After exchanging welcome back hugs with this sweet returned sister, a big hug came from Amanda, who I simply adore. She reminded me that she and Morgan were graduating next year. Really? Wow, okay that one feels strange to think about. But I do think about all these girls I know and love, and their bright futures, I'm so proud of them as I remember the card my mother gave to me upon my own high school graduation. It had a girl in cap and gown that looked a lot like me, staring back at the tall edifice--which must have been the university tower. The sun shone bright falling upon that place. My wise mother wrote on the card, this represents the temple, and that is your next goal.

It is hard in the teen years to recognize the value and importance of agency, those everyday choices we make. But these are important years that the lead us to or from your heart's desire. For example, if we work hard in school--while all doors are open to opportunities and college of choice in the beginning, they remain open. If we become careless in study and invisible in involvement, and end up with a low GPA, certain colleges start closing their doors. If we chance to get into college, and that habit of heart continues, we can lose our place of education to one who wants it more. Sometimes a detour can take awhile to return again to the previous roadway.

It's the same with standards. If we loosely follow modesty issues, and are careless in dating guidelines--we can find ourselves in situations with grievous consequence. And while the choice to follow the Word of Wisdom keeps us energetic and well, keeping the body which houses the spirit clean, and the mind able to operate the way it is meant to; choosing alcohol, smoking, and drugs can impair judgement and make us ill. Abused enough, it can harm one for the remainder of life and even eliminate us.

Some choices are black and white simple. Others seem gray. We need to be careful not to justify the gray when we know it is not right. Choices for good or bad all have consequences. My son once said, true integrity is choosing right, even when no one is looking. The more good choices we make, the freer we are. Bad choices only lead us to bondage. Substance dependence, a web of tangled lies, burdens of shame and guilt, and distances us from inspiration. We will all be accountable for the way we use our agency.

For me those kinds of choices were made long ago and I am resolute, but I still have to be careful using my agency. I knew that if I made serious choices when I was young, that when I was faced with that peer pressure, it would be easy. But everyday choices still come, and they have consequences. Choices in example, health and nutrition, choices in what I choose to let into my mind in entertainment. Choices in friends and atmospheres I will permit myself to experience, even in how I will use my time, mind, and energies.

The sweet thing is we can also repent and be made clean through the atonement when we make mistakes. And we will, as we learn and grow in that process, man is prone to make mistakes. And as we choose to rise above our mistakes, we learn to become better and better and our best selves.

I have a huge eraser I found at Michaels that reads, for the BIG mistakes. We all make them. And isn't that nice to know? The only thing that can bind our agency, is our own bad choices.

Our good choices is what lets us grow and become all we will one day be, and endows us with the gifts we came here to receive.

A Blue Print of Sorts

I planned the menu, shopped by the menu, and have three weeks to work on my latest goal. (I can tell it's going to take me that long to master Knowledge #2) This one is a definite spiral, as I've already jinxed it. Jenn wanted to make chicken pasta pesto, as was on the menu. But the chicken was still frozen and because I didn't have virgin olive oil, but blood orange olive oil--we substituted. Don't try this at home. Blood orange and fresh basil, combined, is really nasty. I mean grossology nasty. So I dumped it, and tossed in tonight's pizza last night instead. :) Some substitutions just don't work.

While I continue to learn loathsome menuing, and try to see it as lovely planning, I'm taking on Individual Worth #4. I love the scripture that accompanies this one.

"Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a ^bhouse, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God."

House of God means a more heavenly home, and state of being--peaceful, organized, a place where everyone wants to be. Home can be a heaven on earth. And where a person is filled with peace, there is no room for contention.

Peace requires preparation.

A talk in church feels more in control when you prepare before that eve.

School tests are easily passed when prepared books and notes are studied for memorization in time ahead.

Likewise, Life is easier when we plan what we will/ will not do (peer pressures), preparing to oppose, or embrace, any opportunity when it's time.

For this value I'm asked to make a list of my hopes and dreams for home, family, education, what I'd like to accomplish in my life, and share that plan.

As a youth I knew exactly what I wanted, and what I wanted to give my future children.

Now with married children, and one that will grow and go faster than I'd like to think about... I have to ask what are my hopes and dreams for the future now? Mid life-- what do I want to accomplish? Some might think that once a family is raised we're left with enduring to the end. I don't believe that. God wants a powerful people. That means there is always something to do.

In my family, I plan to, with my husband, help Jenn grow, guide her, and support her that her feet, too, might be independent, and, leaving home, set on that correct path. I want to enjoy my family and be a wonderful grandmother, as my grandmothers were to me.

I know there's more to learn. I plan to go back to school and work toward an English degree, to fill in the holes of my education so I can be a stronger writer, and maybe even step into an editor role. (If there's no such thing as too old or too late. Editors tend to be quite young.) Even so--working toward that will season my writing, and seal my passion.

I also plan to serve a mission with my husband someday. We've seen many friend couples go, and serve in those same areas where the husband earlier served his mission. That's been cool to see. David went to Taiwan, so I may be learning some prep Mandarin. That would serve me in school visits too. This is a goal we both have. I always thought it would be fun to be the Mom of all those missionaries. I told David if he ever became a mission president, I wouldn't mind a bit!

How do I plan to accomplish it? Well, my family goals are priority right now. In the fall, I plan to start taking some classes at PCC Newberg, and the couple's mission will come in time. Right now I'm raising a daughter. That's a project all in itself! :)

Good Eating

My first travel school visit went well. The equipment worked great. Ali Nice, the principal (and yes she really is nice) hosted me, and it was a wonderful time. I was really surprised but impressed with how people shared with me their personal situations and faith in better things to come. It's no secret that in today's world much is being taken from the children. Office people and the librarian are losing positions with more cuts coming. But oh, my gosh a lady from the office is beyond talented with illustration and she came to talk to me for a long while asking, "Can I really have my dream?" Oh, yes! She is astounding, beyond astounding and I can't believe that kind of talent isn't being used. She's been educated in that skill, and she is amazing, so I'm getting her in contact with connections in hopes she can work toward her passion.

There was such an openness with good people everywhere. One of the things I like best about what I do, is I get to meet super great people I otherwise would not know. My bouquet of friends is ever growing and I LOVE it. People associated with children are just good hearted people, and I love how they openly share with me their faith and natural trust in the Lord. --We're all one family on this little earth each trying to do the best we can and that makes life beautiful.

Okay, my last experience in knowledge, before my Knowledge Project, for me, is really going to try me. Knowledge value #2. Second part. "Learn a new skill or talent that will help you care for your family." For awhile now, I've felt pressed to get myself in better order. I'm pretty organized anyway, but where meals are concerned I am not. I used to be. Now I know why. The responsibilities of my husband has grown, and he needs an organized household to do what he's been called to do in all the areas of his life. I can better support him by getting better organized. My biggest weakness has become probably his biggest need.

When Danny and Katie were home all through high school, dinner was on the table when Dad came home at 6:30. I LOVED cooking, playing with recipes and the new. I had a weekly baking day where I made bread, and calzones, hot pockets, pizza, cinnamon rolls. I loved trying new desserts, cooked all kinds of dishes, and especially enjoyed "plating" making dishes attractive. But through the latter years, my love of cooking has become sullen, and my joy of family dinners has lost it's flavor. Dan went on his mission, Katie to college, and with busy schedules we ate out more. I really missed my grown munchkins and disliked so many empty chairs. I'd look at that big table, and just the two of us, J and I ,and ask,"What sounds good to you tonight? Then we'd go out to find it just to get that time behind us. When Dad was home, I'd cook, but eating was accompanied by Seinfeld. I avoided the Dining room. Living in Tigard, that was a lot easier than where I live now when it's just Jen and I.

I've felt that I need to get organized to the point of planning and shopping with a menu, but ugh-- couldn't bring myself to do that even though I know it is the right thing to do, and the best thing for the family overall. I don't like a menu telling me what to do when. I think that's the only true "I don't wanna" rebel in me, and yet, I can't figure out why that is so darn hard. What my hangup here is, when I once loved it so so much.

However, seeing Julia Child's kitchen reminded me of that love for creation, her kitchen was plain, and a family kitchen. Her cooking show was because she wanted to turn the kitchen into the place where the family gathers. That was just the inspiration I needed, and now that travel is done for a time, I can try again to recapture that joy, by learning a new and better way to cook since we are far from everything and lets face it unused food spoils.

So... this is going to be what I'm going to learn. I'm going to grit my teeth, sigh, and make that menu. Clean out the fridge and pantry and shop by that menu (okay with extra ice cream) for the week. Then continue for three weeks.

We'll see how it goes! Bon app'etit!

Ready, Set, Grow!

Last night was fun. Jennifer was good natured humoring me for Family Home Evening. I learned she didn't even know More Holiness Give Me, but she did sing "I Know that My Redeemer Lives." And conducting went fine. I gave my little lesson on Charity, and learning a neighbor we met was running in city election, we made and took her a Candy Gram, (Card made with candy bars to substitute for words) wishing Peggy Halley luck with victory.

So I'm moving along mentioning another value experience I've been working on since it's here. These experiences are made; created to grow and stretch us as we act upon the goals and face our challenges, often, even our weaknesses. For girls, I found that many of the things they do going out for dance or lacrosse, preparing a speech, being a player of a theatre production, teaching a Family Home Evening lesson... all these things qualify.

In the trek our ward's girls are now preparing for, where they will go to the plains and do a re-creation of pioneer experience in full pioneer dress, pushing and pulling handcarts, and sleeping outside, walking for days, and possibly while carrying watermelon babies that are buried if they are dropped or break,--they learn organization and preparation, sewing, and are physically challenged in this persevering journey. This can be counted as well, but the trick is to plan, and count it, and then do, and pass it off as you yourself have grown in the process of setting and reaching goals. You can't go back and count what you've done, if it wasn't a planned goal--because it's already been done, and that's not progressing from where you are, is it?

So, I'm doing something I've not done, but that is still in line with my talents for Individual growth. Many of my mentor writing friends travel for school visit. They travel a lot and often back to back, with a day here or there to rest. I've always, because I have children still at home, kept to day trips. I'd visit a local school, present and come home to sleep in my own bed. But not this time. I've also done class and grouped classes, but not an auditorium type visit with the full school families. This time I am. I'm still not going to travel a lot as I feel I need to be home for my daughter this season of her growing, but someday I hope to travel a bit more, and I look forward to this first away two day school experience to learn what that's like.

For Individual Worth #8 I'm expanding my teaching abilities in traveling for two days, and will add to my school program a presentation, speaking before eighty families. It got a little scary last night when I realized I'd not thought everything out to cover home. Still exhausted from the quick turn around East Coast trip. But faith plays a big part in using our talents and when I prayed for guidance in my moment of panic, I was led to just who to call to fill what I'd overlooked---and then felt to just go to bed, and I would be fresh and better able to prepare in the morning. I followed those feelings and all is covered through friends and this morning I am energized and excited to grow these abilities being hosted by the principal, and learning my old bishop, and dear friend's son is coming as he is Prinicpal of the nearby middle school. HIS childhood dog Aggie, was my inspiration for the Aggie stories children love, and I've prepared a book release party where I'll unveil AGGIE GETS LOST coming in July for this special family presentation.

Personal progress isn't about doing such large things. It's about growing yourself, the very best way you can. with the gifts the Lord has given you. Working in your own capacity and Stretching the boundaries we make for ourselves so we can better serve our Father in Heaven, or neighbors, and our communities. The shaking stops when we see the purpose behind that which we do, and His guiding hand in all things.

Dear C.S. Lewis

I just completed, CS Lewis', The Screwtape Letters for Choice and Accountability #8.

This was a personalized value experience, and when I learned what the work was---I felt it fit the choice and accountability theme. CS Lewis is one who President Monson quotes again and again, and I love his words.

Uncle Screwtape in this work is a pro Devil. His nephew, Wormwood, is a young new tempter, who was given his first patient to tempt, a young adult human, male. Wormwood is to tempt his patient and secure his soul for feeding hell. (Devils feed on human anguish.)

This human character is representative of all human kind, and therefore has no name. The work brings to view the subtle ways the adversary works to bring a man (or woman) down. For example, being a habitual church goer but while there, judging shoes, clothing bags, word preached, ignoring some, while embracing others, or getting puffed up at being a good church goer, and other goodly doings.

Later, Wormwood works on attitudes toward parents, leaders, neighbors, dwelling in the past, preying on human tendencies of thinking one isn't good enough, and that message that laziness, mediocrity, commonplace existence is enough. Screwtape shows us how insecurity takes away faith, and how the devil causes one to except prayer, quick, just an act, but far in purpose and or heart. To accept the shell of religion but not the soul of it. Virtues become vice. And human agency decides fate.

Step by step, day by day, the young apprentice tempter works ever guided by his master uncles letters of encouragement, explanation, and advice, and the end---the ending held great surprise. All along CS Lewis's masterful work shows us the good and evil of things, we see the patient flounder and get caught up in his world of choices---toward the end Screwtape's letters are less happy because the human is discovering what really makes him happy, not shallow flighty short lived pleasures, but real joy---more and more Wormwood is losing and battling for the soul, as man discovers his divine nature, and then--it happens, at war (WWII) the man falls. He dies--and for the first time when the human actually sees Wormwood, Wormwood sees the others. Just as Wormwood worked his vile works trying to tempt this man--so other spirit beings appear beside the man. The man sees them and knows it was them all the time, and heaven claims his soul.

Then Screwtape's clear venomous strike comes against his own nephew and we see clearly that nature of hell, and no devotion at all. Indeed, a telling work inside hell's lair and lure.

I find CS Lewis to be genius, and well versed as Devils worked ever so determined--without the patient ever suspecting or seeing him--the tiniest things showed our valnerabilities and weaknesses using the nature of the natural man.

This work brought evident to my mind, that all day, everyday, we make choices-- I'm now pondering the readings--realizing that every second we make a choice, and of the great power of agency that line upon line can add to us, or take away. And the fact that it's important not to be asleep in brain, but aware and in control of our own thoughts and attitudes.

I saw how virtues could so easily become vice. In a word, genious. CS Lewis is one man I wish I could talk with for hours.

Flying High on Knowledge

In our east coast adventures, I’ve been focusing of Knowledge. I think Monday night for family home evening I’ll be able to wrap up numbers four and six.

Knowledge experience #6 had me secretly giggling. I’m high in the air—going over and over two of my favorite hymns trying to memorize them correctly. More Holiness Give me, and I Know that My Redeemer Lives. I love More Holiness Give Me, because it places my weaknesses face forward for me to look upon and think about. I Know that My Redeemer Lives is a given.

Then, once I thought I had the words down, (the i pad is awesome for that) I went over the melody and listening to the rhythm in my head, figured that the meter for more holiness Give me is ¾ but I think it could be 6/8. It will be fun to see if I’m right once home. I think I know that my redeemer lives is 4/4, that one feels a tad trickier as its sung slower. Again, it will be fun to see.

When I lived in Hawaii as a youth, I had a really neat opportunity. During Sunday school, a selected number of us teens got to enter an alternate Sunday School class for a few weeks. We learned to lead music. It was the coolest thing in the world to me and I LOVED learning to conduct. That little class gave me a skill to have always, and I remember after they sang Aloha Oe to us in our moving, that teacher presented me with a gift. An expandable conducting wand. She said she could tell how much I enjoyed her class and told me not to be afraid and to take advantage of every opportunity to conduct music so I’d grow in it..

I’m still not all that great at it, but since those early years I have had opportunities from time to time to practice, though my hand shakes at times, questioning if anyone can tell I’m off or not ending right, if my hand is stiff and too close to my body or more like an over enthusiastic flying out of control spring.

Here on the plane I was listening to the music in my head, and yes, conducting those hymns. Due to storms two days ago, our flight was more than messed up so we were stranded without luggage in Dallas for two days. The good side of that is we’re in cushy chairs eating breakfast with real silverware, fancy mini goblets, hot towels and people asking, “Can I get you anything else to drink? Who knows who else is sitting in first class, as I quietly try to figure out the time meter for these hymns conducting, I like thinking someone seeing my quiet progress is thinking, “oooh, I wonder who that is? A symphony conductor?” If they only knew I hear not just music, but voices inside my head as well (characters) they might instead think I’m a bit crazy. And here’s the fun part, I am. I like having fun and am not afraid to step outside the box.

For number four, Select a gospel principle you would like to understand better, I’ve chosen Charity. I chose Charity because Charity is different that mere love. It is pure love, in fact, it is having the pure love of Christ. I want to understand deeper that meaning. I think that though I have been reading talks about charity from latter-day leaders, and scriptures listed from the Topical Guide under charity, that really the only way to truly understand charity is to act upon it.

While no longer there, I am still on my Tigard Ward contact list. It’s neat that I can be still close to these wonderful friends. One sister in her business met a homeless couple. This couple was left destitute and came in to the sister. She learned of their very real needs. She jumped on our Tigard Gots and Wants email and let everyone know serious help was needed. A kind bishop offered them needed plane tickets back to the east coast near their family in trade for hours worked at the bishops storehouse or Deseret Industries. Upon completing the hours the tickets would be delivered. Sisters and brothers examined what they might give for clothes and shoes. Food was delivered for them and for their dog. That’s charity. I love that when a need is listed everyone comes forward, for members and friends of the church alike. It has been the same way in my new ward. A need is heard and people rise to the call. Such opportunities come, and they come again and again.

Stranded in Dallas friends asked me, “ is there anything I can do to help you with anything here at home?” Dan’s best friend from boyhood, my adopted son, stayed and watched our home, and pets. Another friend helped with Jenn’s chickens. I came home to loveliness and messages from caring friends. And I’m excited to be home and now do my part for another. What is charity? It is seeing someone as the Lord sees them, without judgment or denial. Charity is service to fellowmen with genuine love, without a feeling of self sacrifice or self righteousness. Charity is keeping the commandment of the Lord, “As I have loved you, love ye one another.”

Truly acquiring charity requires that we leave the natural man, those human tendencies of quick judgments, begrudging, and selfishness behind. It’s true that first impressions count, but it is also true that they are ours to make and the messages to our minds regarding others are at our discretion; As is the attitude in which we serve.

Time, Place, and Change

I'm sitting here tonight, in Gettysburg, after experiencing a week and a half of history, and after experiencing a neat little piece of history in my own life. There's so many thoughts, that I don't know where to begin.

I went to Jamestown, the first permanent English Settlement. Where battles with indians, cholera, Malaria, Tuberculosis, weather elements took most of the original settlers. I went to Williamsburg, and saw where the Declaration of Independence was signed by great men committing treason for freedom. I went to Gettysburg, where bloody battles took lives in waves that no man should be in bondage and all made free. I went to the Lincoln Memorial, where Dr. King made his famous speech upon that famous march with his freedom fighters ending segregation forever and giving citizen rights to all. I saw man dream of flight at the Smithsonian and battle unbelievers, and then fly to the moon. I am amazed at the change, from the formation of a nation to the present. What an amazing country. What bravery and passion.

As the country has faced change, and great change, and has grown to become strong in the pursuit of happiness, I look at my little life and ask if I might make a change. I'm pondering what I might accomplish.

I think if, in my youth, I had known what I know now: That I could have gone to college. That I am more than passionate when it comes to learning. That I love writing as much as anything in my life. That there's a reason I come alive reading a story and thrive in new experiences and exploration and adventure... I would have fought for college. I just didn't know. When I was young, I wasn't strong enough to do, and try, and be. Just like Julia Child, my life started in this way, as an adult. I discovered me much later than most, and I'm still discovering.

So I'm taking my personal progress a step further, examining what I really might be interested in. Knowledge #5. Learn about an area that interests you. I'm asking an editor friend to share with me what I need to do to become an editor. Right now, it's just homework. But I just might reinvent myself, and the thought excites me. If I take classes, I know I can learn to improve my writing--but a writer also needs to be a good editor. I believe they go hand in hand. I'll see what she shares with me and we'll see how it goes.

Meanwhile, I am still agog taking in all I've seen, all I've experienced, including receiving the Blue Crab Young Readers Award for Good Dog, Aggie. I learned it was a close contender for the Geisel award as well, meeting a woman who served on that committee. That truly shocked me. While, there, I lost my YW Medallion. But it just makes me determined to earn it back. I'm not sad at all about that. It means I have to work, and I have a greater reason to work. I'm excited to see this through.

Learning, a journey, not a destination

I love Personal Progress. I love it because it keeps me growing. As long as I'm doing some kind of work or service in my life--I don't feel stagnate, like I've settled, arrived. I like growing because let's face it, life is living. To merely exist for me--would regress, and perhaps even depress me. As long as life goes on, so also will my learning. The desire to learn is never snuffed out. With breath, comes greater breadth in desire for knowledge and accomplishment.

My father in law once called me a seeker. I'm never done learning, never satisfied. The more I learn, the more I want to learn. I'm like a sponge that wants to soak it all in, especially truth, reason, and writing. I like to think. I love to create.

Here in the mecca of our countries origin, I'm really feeling that learning hunger pang, so for Personal Progress, I'm focusing on knowledge. Value experiences 1 and 2. Two is going to take a little time, but I can start it here, following the layout. List talents I have or would like to develop. Okay, we have to be honest here so my talents, (feel free to chime in) I've come to LOVE public speaking. I'm fairly organized (except when it comes to my writing space) I love anything churchy-- that's just me. Cooking and following a recipe I'm pretty good at, I'm a good Mom/ Wife. I'm incredibly patient (don't pray for that--or you might get multiple surgical opportunities.) ;) I'm a good writer. I think I'm friendly--you'd have to ask my friends. :^) I'm a good housekeeper. I learn well especially hands on.

Talents I'd like to develop. I'd like to learn to speak without notes, and I'd like to become magnificent at that. I'd like to become a "great writer" one who could successfully write anything that calls to her; Novels. I'd also really like to learn to have an eye catching garden. Doesn't have to be large, but lovely to the eye and thriving and yummy. Long term, I'd like someday to go back to college, to use the brain I've been given in the capacity I've been given to continue to grow in whatever ways I feel directed from within and above. I want to continue to explore who Lori is and what talents lie inside, and I want to use them and grow them for good purpose. I want to keep writing and become the very best writer I can be. I want to serve the children of the world through the stories I create, that's heaven. And I want to learn how to be a good Grandma.

To my way of thinking, as long as a man/ woman is learning, he/ she is developing. I'm not dead, so the Lord isn't done with me yet. The more I learn, the more I learn there's more to learn, ways to grow, ways to go. Just what is the limit for learning? Learning is as infinite as the vast space beyond our little planet. We are but a tiny thing in another dimension of possibility. What's beyond where man has already explored "more." Unreachable? Only as man believes.

It's All Good

Knowing we were coming to Washington DC, I chose to work on Knowledge #3.

I've had article of faith 13 memorized since I passed it off as a Merrie Miss for primary graduation, so that part was easy. I just love the words.

The next part is visiting a museum or exhibit-- The Smithsonian was an enriching experience.

Walking through the amazing places we've been is like living history. The National Space and Air museum lets us experience the invention of flight and the glory of space exploration. Accomplishing something untouchable at one time. The World History Museum let us explore what the world was like from it's beginning, and ponder science and various theories of origination. American History Museum--did you know Booth's plan to kill President Abraham Lincoln was actually a larger conspiracy to murder many union officials? The would be involved were caught, and many executed, before other officials were harmed. I learned so much about so many things. Eye opening. Freedom is not free. I was amazed to see the war of my lifetime added in seeing the pictures of the twin towers ablaze and artifacts of aftermath both from the site, and a plane that fell here in DC where good men and women thwarted plans for another destructive fate n the pentagon, sacrificing their lives by choice in fighting the enemy mid air, rather than letting it happen.

The Lincoln Memorial is a site of many new starts for acceptance. Lincoln sits tall letting us look up into Honest Abe's tired but hopeful face standing for change. What he did for the country was amazing--though it took years for the nation to truly see the amazing meaning in his presidency after death. He brought together unity of a country. Freedom of man. Humanity for all. It was one of my favorite places as a child, and I found those same feelings return as an adult looking up at that great man, larger than life. Born in a cabin, he rose out of obscurity to become one of the greatest men of all time. Just an awe inspiring place.

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, and in doing good to all men...

While I realize not all of us will do monument like things, our lives are still great, wrought with little opportunities to do great good. And when we do good, we're living large. No matter who we are, or where we come from, individual greatness is all around, even in doing good in the smallest of circumstances.

"If there is anything virtuous, lovely, of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things."

Patterns

These Personal Progress Blogs are coming fast, I know. As soon as one is done, I choose another, that way I'm consistent about it. I find that if I take breaks after a completion, that Personal Progress can be forgotten, and for me, that's not good. There are variances in experience challenge. Some are quick, and others take time. My next experience takes a little more dedication.

Choice and Accountability #1. Make wise decisions and solve problems. Follow a pattern of regular scripture study and prayer to help in making personal decisions. Every time I see that, I know I can do better. It's so simple and yet so easy to let slide some days. I remember visiting BYU-I during Mother's week with Katie. This student ward had a star Sunday School teacher that I'll remember a long time.

"Who would like to say the opening prayer?" When he asked, not one hand raised. "No, one? Oh come on, this is exciting, Who wants to talk to God? We should all want to talk to God." That new perception had many hands. It became an exciting blessing. After the lesson, he asked again, "Okay, now who wants to talk to God?" And again hands went up everywhere.

I think when we look at scripture study and prayer as a should, and feel weak when we are not regular about it, it disempowers us. But as a "get to" it brings new energy and excites us into trying these gifts to better ourselves and our lives. I'm not as good about this as I can be, and am taking this on to be more regular so I get to learn and grow spiritually, and keep in tune to know better how I can serve in the different facets of my personal life, and make good decisions for personal growth and improvement. I've a lot of work to do here.

...to make you hear, to make you feel; but above all to make you see.

~Joseph Conrad

Unexpected Surprise

You're probably wondering what the OUS at the end of Personal Progress stands for. Well, here it is, Onward, Upward and Spirals. It's a fun ride.

Today I completed Individual Worth #5. Participate in a ...speech...performance , in your community or at church, and share how that participation strengthened feelings of individual worth and self confidence.

I had the GREATEST honor ever to learn about public speaking from the master, Peter Jacobi, through Highlights. Peter shared with me that he went to Salt Lake many years ago to train several general authorities in media interviews, and he remembers and has fond feelings for "Mr. Packer." After learning from him and having my first school visit taped by Highlights and played back and critiqued by Peter and our group, I came back with gems of great spotlight wisdom. Life In the Spotlight taught me to see the lectern as a friend. I told Peter I still get nervous, and he told me nervous is natural, and good because that keeps us on our toes always striving for the best we can give.

Yesterday, I was nervous. I was one hour early this morning to Chemeketa College. As I sat at a table going everything in my head, I saw a vision that completely took away any fear. A whole long continuous line of fourth grade students walked back, some looked at me and smiled as they passed. When they congregated outside to continue the tour, I went out and asked the leaders if this was a field trip. It was indeed! They told me that many of these children came from families without higher education. These children starting from third grade go to visit colleges and schools teach them that not going to college isn't an option. They will go to college. That and the wonderful excited children smiling, pointing, beaming happy to be at a college just had my heart singing all day.

My host was wonderful and my classes enthusiastic. One mother brought her 3rd grade child and it was fun to see her laughing. (She's my writing audience.) I was surprised to learn two journalists and a photographer were present for interviews and a photo shoot, but they were very kind and not too distracting during the events themselves.

So how did this strengthen me? I think in between speaking opportunities we forget that it isn't scary but is total fun. One of the hardest things for me at an event, is when someone asks me where I got my degree. I don't have one. That gets awkward, and that's what I was nervous about--but this is the first time no one has asked. And that was sheer wonderful. They saw me, and what I had created. In the end a teacher there for Children's literature told me it was a wonderful presentation, and how they'd been talking about how some picture books aren't really appropriate for children. She told me all of mine are and how happy she was to see that.

On individual worth, I came away with a wonderful feeling of validation that my writing makes a difference to someone. My confidence with these groups soared to the roof. And when young Ruby shook my hand just beaming, I felt again there no place I'd rather than be than in this magical world. Writing is next to motherhood. And with this, my Father in Heaven has found me whole, filled with joy. I know the public side might not always be easy. I will be nervous at times, and that's okay. Once I'm there, nerves are behind and it's all just sharing with another.

"True ease comes from art not chance, as those who move easiest, have first learned to dance."

~Alexander Pope

A Journey Begins!

Sometime ago my son commented on the fact that I often wear my Young Women's medallion, earned while my elder daughter was a YW, when I went through the Personal Progress Program for the first time.

"Aren't you a little old for that?" he asked. I giggled and shrugged, "No, never."

Let me tell you about my Young Women's medallion. It's a long process to earn the YW recognition award. It takes real work and perseverance, and mostly, it takes determined desire. It is equal in effort to the Boy Scout Eagle award the Young Men work for. And for my girls, we treated it like nothing less, holding YW recognitions similar to Eagle Court of Honors, as girls earned their award.

I was really surprised when my bishop knowing I quietly completed the program (as he signed my book) presented me with my own medallion. I'll never forget that special moment, or Bishop Garner's grin calling me back up to the podium where I had been conducting. And you'll see me frequently wearing it simply because my medallion tells me, "I can." It tells me I can be brave, I can be strong, I can step out of myself to try the new. It reminds me I've done it before. In the process of completing the program, you change. You can't help but change because you grow into a stronger person, and a more aware being. And it tells me the only thing to stop me from trying anything is my own messages in self doubt. Someone once said, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." I wear it because it's a message to other YW that they can, too.

I can. That message became clear when my first Personal Progress journey pushed me to have the courage to go to NY alone with Highlight's Chautauqua. To try for the scholarship, I was given. My first ever writing workshop, weeklong, knowledge filled, and HUGE! Chris Clark said in the opening banquet prayer, "Lord, help us to realize it is not who we are that hold us back, but who we think we are not." That opened my eyes that day. We are all sons and daughters of God with great ability and purpose. The personal progress expands our world and opportunities as we work to improve in body, mind, and spirit, at home, in church, and in our communities. In Truth, this program, is a gift.

So, here we go. Round two of personal Progress. I'm starting all over joining girls everywhere. And especially my girls, can come here to know they are not alone in the up downs/ because no doubt, it's real work.

Today I completed Individual Worth #1.

I chose to start with individual worth because it's the core of knowing who we are, and "feeling" that truth. For me, knowing who I am, is the super power food-- for personal progress that feeds me into everything else. I really liked the scripture Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee." That just little bit reminds me that we are true spirit sons and daughters of God, He knows us, and we were sent here with a plan to become our best and return.

We shall not cease from exploration, and at the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started, And know the place for the first time. ~TS Elliot

I'm excited to explore!